children

Children are an heritage of The Lord.
As a Father, I realize my great responsibility, and inability. I recognize my continual need for Jesus to be in control of my life. I realize that apart from Him I can do nothing. I am in constant need of His mercy and grace, and so are they, that they are little(or big) reflections of me, and that if I am irritated with their behavior, it is probably something they either learned from me, or I allowed into their life.

I couldnt have said it better myself~

Jesus draw me ever nearer
As I labour through the storm.
You have called me to this passage,
and I'll follow, though I'm worn.

May this journey bring a blessing,
May I rise on wings of faith;
And at the end of my heart's testing,
With Your likeness let me wake.

Jesus guide me through the tempest;
Keep my spirit staid and sure.
When the midnight meets the morning,
Let me love You even more.

Let the treasures of the trial                                 
Form within me as I go -
And at the end of this long passage,
Let me leave them at Your throne.
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I am human

  I've often heard friends say of me " I'm glad you're normal " " nice to see you're human". Those comments are usually the result of me confiding in them,an area where I'm struggling. 

  That's hilarious really. I assure you Im more than human. I'm a sinful person whose ONLY merit can be found in the blood of Christ and the fact that my name is written in the Lambs book of life.

  I'm quick to share my faith, triumphs and failures alike. One can draw encouragement from all of those things I believe. 

  Well lets talk about my " human" week. It has been HARD. I have been desperately trying to put on as nice of a wedding as possible for our faithful, beautiful 20 year old daughter. I'm doing it on limited funds and far more limited brain cells!

  It seems like we no sooner suffered the tragedy of Charity's home going, then Abby in her hurt left home- and now a wedding. Wow. That beats all soap operas I ever heard about!

  This last week though it seems we're all missing Charity so much. Little Sam cried  and questioned one night, then little Ella cried so pathetically another night. Then I was up til 3 am one morning and couldn't hold back the tears any better than if I had tried to hold back the Grand Canyon with a Kleenex. I heard afterward that Brett, the next day, cried all of the way home from Adam,our sons house.

  So what's the deal? Well- I think it's part of the journey. I have to welcome these hard moments. I have to view them as something to remind me of what's important on this earth. The souls of my loved ones, and not so loved ones. 

  There are so many mysteries to the Christian life. We work and live life abundantly yet hold loosely and love not the world. We strive and work daily and do our  work as unto The Lord yet we know this world is passing away. We die that we may live, we give up that we may gain. We are refined by trials grief and heartache that grieve us here but are for our eternal good. 

  We just have to take each moment, triumph and trial as from the hand of God for our good and our refining. Remembering that He does all things well. We don't have to know, like or understand what He is doing to trust Him.

  Well soon the wedding excitement will be over. Machaira will go and so will the guests. I'll wake up one morning and truly all three of the girls will be gone from our home. I expect some difficult days to follow. I figure I will be a changed person forever. But change isn't all bad. No discipline seems pleasant at the time. I surely will not forget that HE is our ever present help in time of need. 

  Theory is nice. However there is something sweet about the promises of God truly fulfilling what they say they will first hand. I am so grateful that He truly has been our ever present help in time of need. Psalm 46:1Blessed be the name of The Lord.

Are you God?

  After Charity put off this wordly tent for immortality, I (even more so) declared Christ to others.

  Until.... That one day- I was sitting there minding my own business when I thought," Wait! What if Im talking to a person whose lost loved one was unsaved! Or what if they lost a child and weren't sure of their salvation" The very thought of it closed my mouth for days. Never would I want to rob anyone of their hope. 

  Thankfully a few days later my dear friend Lulli Akin came over and I confided in her my dilemma. -Now Let me interrupt my dialogue to say that if Lulli Akin isn't a dear friend of yours like she is mine then I'm sorry for you. She shoots from the hip, loves The Lord and overflows with wisdom. Her and Todd have been an enormous blessing to our life in innumerable ways-

  So I looked at Lulli and told her my problem. In true Lulli fashion she said " Oh. Are you God?" !!!!!!!" No ma'am!"  She continued," Who appointed you to determine if someone is born again? You have no idea what occurs in the heart and mind of a person when they reach the end of their life or their life flashes before them..."  She went on and told me a personal story of hers and others which showed me that The Lord is able ,His word will not return to Him void and He is still God in our last hour and He is able to save to the uttermost. He is able to accomplish in a moment what we fail to perform in a lifetime. 

  As well, the fervent and effectual prayers of a righteous man availeth much. So- what do we do if we have family who is now unsaved and living? Be a righteous person and pray on without ceasing! Too many believers are worried about how " other" Christians dress, act, eat etc instead of realizing that they only have enough time in the day to work on themselves and their family to worry about sanctifying their pew neighbor. And may I remind you that the Lord does lasting sanctifying work in the hearts of others  Not we ourselves. What if we've lost a loved on and just DON'T know if the Lord saved them? First realize- YOU ARE NOT GOD AND YOU DON'T KNOW. number two- He is The Lord and He does ALL things well. 

   Too many times we lose our present by lamenting our past. May I encourage you? Don't stay there. Even if you've lost a loved one- look around, if you're one of the fortunate ones, you have more loved ones still surrounding you. 

  Take every thought captive, think right thoughts, ask The Lord for the blessing of a proper perspective. 

  There's nothing we can do to change the past so lets just not go there- and certainly don't STAY there. It's a new day, full of life and hope ( peppered with sorrow I know) Let us use all of that energy on changing our present and our tomorrow which we CAN affect, and leave an un changeable yesterday in the past. 

Hebrews 12:1 KJV

King James Version

Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us.

I know whom I have believed.....

2 Timothy 1:10-13

¹⁰ but has now been revealed by the appearing of our Savior Jesus Christ, who has abolished death and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel, ¹¹ to which I was appointed a preacher, an apostle, and a teacher of the Gentiles.^{[a] 12} For this reason I also suffer these things; nevertheless I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep what I have committed to Him until that Day.

¹³ Hold fast the pattern of sound words which you have heard from me, in faith and love which are in Christ Jesus.

  I love that hymn " I know Whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able, to keep that which Ive committed unto Him against that day". John Gill speaks of 'That which I have committed" as of being the souls of men, including Pauls own.

  So we truly do know Whom we have believed~ We Know Christ. Not only a mental ascent but we love adore and worship Him in spirit and in truth because He has graciously revealed Himself to us.

 " We are persuaded the He is able to keep that which we have committed": our souls, the souls of our spouse and children, those who are still with us or have gone on before, "to Him until that day"...

  The mind likes to do odd things when  you have suffered a tragedy or are grieving. It is imperative to always think right thoughts and take every thought captive. I cannot tell you all the times that a hopeless or random 'unbiblical' thought pops into my head. I don't even watch tv! Where do these strange ideas come from? They are only allowed to remain for a brief second before I verbalize the truth. It is truly the truth that gives us hope and sets us free. I am convinced that all of the crazy religions originated in the mind of some hopeless grieving person ..Shudder the thought!

  Through the sadness and temporary loss we truly do have hope. Not in ourselves but in the Lord who is good and is trustworthy and is ABLE.

  So sorrow on if we must but at the end of the day , we know Whom we have believed and are persuaded that He is able to keep what I have committed to Him until that day. Thank you Jesus for that.
  Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.

   

He will revive me again and comfort me......

Psalms 71:20-21 You who have made me see many troubles and calamities will revive me again; from the depths of the earth you will bring me up again. You will increase my greatness and comfort me again.

  For those of us who have lost...who grieve and sorrow...these words are of great comfort.

  We trust in the Sovereignty of God so yes it is He who has made us to see calamity and trouble. Not for any arbitrary reason either.

  And with that He too will 'Revive us again'. When you are under the suffering of grief you do feel as if your very soul needs to be revived. Needs to be restored. Your very core feels as if you cannot stand erect again. But, we will. We will revive. He will restore us and we will 'live' again.

  Some of my favorite ancient theologians agree that 'from the depths of the earth' may mean in a physical or emotional respect.

  I think of Robin Marks song 'Make these broken weary bones, rise to dance again'. That is not scripture but it explains well how we feel~ weary and broken and cast down. So Lord cause these broken , weary bones to rise and dance again! He will. He alone is able to turn our mourning into dancing.

  Psalms 71:21 says you will increase my greatness ...(Im leaving that one alone except to say that I believe David wrote these:) That is explanation enough! LOL! it continues ....and comfort me again.

  It is hard to see now ... for a time , it is inconceivable to think that we WILL be comforted again! It is nearly impossible to believe that the despairing sickening desperation will lessen.

  But, taking every thought captive, and thinking right thoughts, and believing Gods word reminding ourselves of it...we know that;

Psalms 71:20-21 You who have made me see many troubles and calamities will revive me again; from the depths of the earth you will bring me up again. You will increase my greatness and comfort me again.

  Gods word is true amen? Ok, repeat after me;You who have made me see many troubles and calamities will revive me again; from the depths of the earth you will bring me up again. You will increase my greatness and comfort me again.

 

  Gods word is true. 2 Tim 3:16 ¹⁶ All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, ¹⁷ that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.

God is not a man that He should lie. Numbers 23:19“God is not a man, that He should lie,

Nor a son of man, that He should repent.

Has He said, and will He not do?

Or has He spoken, and will He not make it good? 

 The Bible is full of His sweet and precious promises to be our Physician and Comforter and Redeemer. We must do our part and let the Lord heal us. Let Him comfort us. Let us make the path easier for ourselves by thinking right thoughts and taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.

Proverbs 30:5 Every word of God is pure;

He is a shield to those who put their trust in Him.

Psalm 30:11,12  You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;

You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness

To the end that my glory may sing praise to You and not be silent.

O Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever

Amen

We have no continuing city here...................

  I was challenged today on FB to post a verse. Thankfully it was not a favorite verse as that changes.
  Different passages of scripture have differing impacts on me depending which season of life I am in.
  Loss. Greif. Such difficult and painful things. Our mind spends many an hour, day, year trying to 'grasp' it all. What it 'means', how it changes things, and that irritating deep hope that its not real and things will go back to how they were.
  The verse I chose to post was Hebrews 13:14...but since it is impossible for me to choose only one I had to add 15 as well.
14 For here we have no continuing city, but we seek the one to come. 15 Therefore by Him let us continually offer the sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of our lips, giving thanks to His name.   
  And that verse of course brings to mind this one;
2 Peter 3:13
But in keeping with his promise we are looking forward to a new heaven and a new earth, where righteousness dwells......


  We really have no continuing city here on earth. There is no continuing anything in this world save for The Lord, His word and the souls of men. The earth shall pass away, our loved ones pass away, every day is new and different. Nothing is the same here. Nothings stays the same or is continuing.
  When we are in pain and the pain ceases we are glad things do not remain the same. If we are in bliss and our life is rudely interrupted by sorrow and loss then we want things to have 'remained the same'.......go figure. We even change whether or not we want things to remain the same.
  Having so many littles ones to minister to , I am always looking for gems of truth in Gods word to encourage them. Teach them at a young age to learn to see Gods hand in all things, learn now to trust that He is Sovereign...so that when the storms of life come....and they will come...they already have the foundation to stand strong when their very soul is faint with sadness. Here is one thing I remind them of~
  Yes Charity died. That is horribly sad for us. It is not sad for Charity as she is in eternal joy. As well though, she is no longer 'dead'. She is alive in heaven. The wreck, the trauma, the passing...its over. I have spent many a moment, when images (real or imagined) threaten me, reminding myself...IT IS OVER, IT IS OVER, IT IS OVER....


 A couple phrases my son Anthony and I came up with when he lost his newborn son were: "You are eternal in the heavens , forever in the arms of grace". Our departed ones live. Yes they live. Here we merely see as through a glass and see only a shadow of the things to come.

1 Corinthians 13:12

¹² For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.

 Might I suggest that those in heaven are 'really' living, much more than we are.

  I do not care for the term 'Rest in Peace'......Knowing in small part, the magnificence of the Lord and His abounding creativity and love and working in our lives, I would expect that more than resting, our loved ones are rejoicing.


 1 Cor 2:9 But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.


  And what do you think of this one? Isaiah 65:17 For, behold, I create new heavens and a new earth: and the former shall not be remembered, nor come into mind.


  I do not claim to be any type of theologian. But I know that Gods word is sufficient to meet our every need.


Hebrews 4:15 For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.
  Hebrews 2:17
For this reason he had to be made like them, fully human in every way, in order that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, and that he might make atonement for the sins of the people.
Hebrews 2:18
Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted.

Hebrews 7:25-26 25 Wherefore he is able also to save them to the uttermost that come unto God by him, seeing he ever liveth to make intercession for them. 26 For such an high priest became us, who is holy, harmless, undefiled, separate from sinners, and made higher than the heavens.
 
  I always recall a story my husband tells. When he was younger, a pastor was teaching on the book of Genesis. He gave the account of Eves temptation and said how that relationship was broken forever...it would NEVER BE THE SAME. At the time my husband was young in the Lord and left the meeting on that note "That relationship between God and man would never be the same'. He was grieved all week and was in despair that it could never be gotten back. When he went the next week the pastor reminded folks that the relationship would NEVER BE THE SAME......BUT.... It would become better. We lost walking in the cool of the garden with the Lord but now we will reign with Him forevermore in perfection and righteousness. Never the same no. But better. That is how it is for our loved ones who are departed. Their lives are now, BETTER. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

Lest we forget

   What? We will NEVER forget! We will ALWAYS remember. FOREVER!

  Always and forever should really only be words used to describe eternity. They really have no place in our ever changing world,amen?

   I'm becoming aware of another aspect of this journey. People who have walked this road before must already know about it, though I've never heard it mentioned.

  We so love our " loved ones". How especially dear do our departed ones become to us!! We will always remember them and we will never forget them!....

  True- to some extent. But what happens when the poignant memories begin to fade? When the things they ALWAYS said and did become something we are reminded of instead of being freshly on our mind? For those of us who have been years without our loved one, does the face fade a bit and the memory of the voice a bit unclear?

  If this isn't happening yet, I believe that grieving ones carry a real FEAR that it will BEGIN to happen. What do we do with that?

  The same thing we do with all thought and feelings that threaten to drown us in the depths if dispair- take every thought captive, and think right thoughts. I have some thoughts to encourage you that perhaps you've not considered . And feel free to comment what you think! I read all of the very few comments I do get!!

  We forget that when our loved one, in our case Charity, went to Heaven, we didn't lose her. We know where she is at. And though I understand and appreciate your sweet words that you are sorry for our loss, We are sorry for our WAIT. Yes our wait. We are sorry that we have to WAIT to see Char Char. We're sorry we can't be enjoying her ourselves this very minute- yet thankful that she is enjoying her every minute in our wait.

  And though we were blessed to make 16 years of precious memories with our girl, we may be tempted to forget- but our time with her is not OVER. It is merely delayed. ( I find it ironic that I began this post a few hours ago- and this morning lil Ella woke up and said she didn't remember what Charity looks like)

  So let us remember that we have all of eternity to look forward to spending with our redeemed loved ones. We will yet enjoy time and experiences in the LIFE to come. So if you, like we, have a loved one who had departed to that country that IS our own- I'm not sorry for your loss but I too am sorry for your wait. Let patience have its perfect work dear ones. May the Zlord strengthens us in our journey.

  

We interrupt the trials of life-

  To promote a good friend and one of his great books!  It is not altogether inconsistent with our journey either. The Bunker family and the entire community in TX has been a huge blessing and encouragement to us in our grief.

  If you don't know Michael Bunker may we suggest you discover this fine author? You will be thrilled and challenged by all of his writings! 

  Today were promoting this-

  Go to amazon and buy a copy today! The official launch of the book bomb!

The Tittle Family at Reformationkidz

  Last night was not one for sleeping for many. Tornadoes tore up Ok, Joplin and Arkansas.
  I was just sure our roof was going to fly. We were in a tornado watch for hours.
  I got on FB last night to check on my friends the Millsaps there and was about to chat with my friend Kerry. I saw she was on and figured they were ok as the twisters were over in Arkansas.
  Little did I know that I was very wrong.
  Kerry has been such a faithful friend. Her daughter was going to go to Scotland and we were going to 'travel' with her. Turned out she wasn't able to go but I have been blessed by the friendship Ive made with Kerry. From what I see she knows a lot of people and has a lot of friends!
  Last night, I learned, they lost their entire home, The Father and two of the daughters. Heartbreaking. Kerry and the other 6 children are in the hospital.
  I ve not talked to her and know nothing first hand. I relate this from their friends post. I relate it to you only in the hopes that you will put them on your prayer list.
  I was just going through emails back and forth with Kerry and she has been praying for us since she heard of Charity and the wreck. Now it is our turn to pray for her. She says "I remember to pray for you at 3 am when the little guy gets up!". 
  Im so heartbroken that she has need of my prayers for such a journey as this. She truly has the harder road. Oh my friends you cannot fathom the heartache and sorrow and sickening feeling those first few days unless the Lord has already given you this similar path to walk.
  And now my poor dear friend doesn't have her husband to walk with her down this dark valley. Mercy Lord, much mercy please!!
  Prayer is what will help. At some point money will help. Please please commit to pray faithfully for this dear sweet saint.
  Im praying that His amazing grace will cover her and comfort her as only He can. All the faith and comfort do not remove the pain and agony. Please pray and leave this dear family on your prayer list for a very very long time.

Just an idea

  I'm always trying to minister to my littles. They are free to cry and miss and be sad about, Charity- but Im always looking for ways to offer them hope. 

  Tonight we had " strawberry shortcake". You cannot eat, see or talk about that dessert in this house without thinking of Charity! Just can't do it!!

  So tonight as we made " angel food cake" for our " strawberry shortcake dessert", the kids began to chatter about Charity and miss her so. 

  I then said," Well, I guess we're going to have to call this CHARITY FOOD CAKE"

  Little wide eyes and three littles ask,"Why?"  Because I explained, "This dessert reminds us of Charity and she lives with the angels now!"  I don't know about you all- but they thought that was a grand idea:)

Some of those "Things".....

 I mentioned in the previous post about 'Some of the many facets of things one goes thru'...In our case, the journey of our daughtes homegoing...I will touch on some of those.
  First of all, regardless of our status, situation or condition there are certain things that we as believers must always be doing. One of which is "Take every thought captive". As well, we always need to be guarding against ungodly attitudes and behaviours. Now, grieving and having  bad days and being broken hearted do not constitute an ungodly behaviour. What I am noticing is the propensity for natural grieving to potentially lead to ungodly attitudes and behaviours. That is what I am focused on.
  Did I mention,being broken hearted, grieving, crying and feeling utterly broken are not ungodly attitudes?The Lord Jesus had some of those very experiences.( The tomb of Lazarus, in the garden at Gethsemane, on the cross of Calvary)  But what are we doing with them and where do they lead? If, while experiencing these hard moments, we fail to take every thought captive it could lead to:
Ungratefulness
Bondage
Idolatry
Bitterness
Hopelessness
  Lets look at each one. Ungratefulness. Ive said it a hundred times and I will say it again. So many have had it so much worse. There are worse experiences on this earth and I am grateful that we were spared additional hardship in our sweet girls passing. If you 'cant imagine' a situation being worse, talk to your neighbor or watch the news for 5 minutes and you will see what I mean.
  Bondage.One of the things that I constantly deal with, battle and try to keep in balance are, Charity things. When a child dies, suddenly to you and everyone else, their every item becomes sacred. So as I go thru things and clean and do laundry or pick up the yard, if something was Charitys, it suddenly becomes important. I was so worn out and exaughsted the other day with all of the things of Charitys that I had 'set aside' that I said outloud "IS EVERYTHING SACRED"~. Because where does that lead? Every child is important. So is everything that ever belonged to any of our 11 children that walked the earth sacred? Really? I don't know about you but that is much to much of an overwhelming task for me. How do we balance that and see it clearly in light of eternity? "Thinking right thoughts and taking every thought captive'. First of all I think of the song by Robin Mark "When its all been said and done, all my treasures will mean nothing"...it is true. Charitys trinkets mean nothing to her in light of her eternity and the life she shares now with God. Should they mean overly much to me? Overly no. Some yes. There is nothing wrong with the fact that I hold aside here baby comforter and her pink zebra stripe pillow....etc ... However when I have hadtendencies  to 'lock up' her room and keep it sterile and everyone out, well I don't see that as being healthy.
  What do I mean by Idolatry? Well, if Im putting more emphasis on my daughter who is in heaven, than my children who still walk the earth..that seems to be a type of idolatry. Why in part do I miss my girl so much? Because it is going to be a wait before I can see her again. I long to hug or hold or talk to her sometimes. Nothing wrong with that but.....I still have six children at home at the moment who I can hug hold and talk to. If Im spending unusual amounts of time missing Charity, Im losing those same precious moments with those whom I can still be with. Its not wrong to miss and long for one who has gone to heaven. Excessive longing at the espense of the ones who still walk among us is, I believe unhealthy and something that should be guarded against.
  What is the definition of Bitterness? The old Noah Webster dictionary is my favorite so forgive me if I don't entertain the modern definition of the word. This is what I mean by the word;

n.	1.	The quality or state of being bitter, sharp, or acrid, in either a literal or figurative sense; implacableness; resentfulness; severity; keenness of reproach or sarcasm; deep distress, grief, or vexation of mind. The lip that curls with bitterness. - Percival. I will complain in the bitterness of my soul. - Job vii. 11.
	2.	A state of extreme impiety or enmity to God. Thou art in the gall of bitterness, and in the bond of iniquity. - Acts viii. 23.
	3.	Dangerous error, or schism, tending to draw persons to apostasy. Looking diligently, . . . lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you.

  As difficult as it may be to remember, God is good all of the time. Regardless of our journey we do not hold the market on grief or hardship or tragedy.
  Im not exactly sure why I haven't struggled with bitterness (yet?) but I can easily see how one could fall into it. We don't mean to! We are hurting and heartbroken and sad, and it is understandable that we are having a difficult time. However, bitterness is a dangerous cancer to let spread. It will ruin our peace now, and our presence tomorrow. It will not soon be rooted out so it is best to not allow it to grow in the first place. 
  Hopelessness. This is one that must be fought diligently and normally on a daily basis. As you go throughout your day minding your own business, it never fails that out of the blue the realization will come to you that you are 'Never going to see Charity walk through these halls again.". (take every thought captive remember) 'True but the halls she walks now are the ones we always intended for her to walk'. 
  How about this one....On May 1 is Charitys birthday. We as a family are going to gather together and celebrate her life. Sad that we focus more on our loved ones moments of passing when there were 16 years of life and celebration in our case. We are very blessed indeed. So here is a hopeless question  "Is she 16 still or 17?" I really hope none of the littles will ask that question as I do not have the answer. What do we really celebrate when it is a birthdate anyways? How did a simple day become so complicated? Simple, because we live in a fallen world and our tendency is to not think biblically. We choose rather to be controlled by our hopelessly sad emotions than by what is true. So what are some of the true things I like to remind my self about?;
  Charity is living out the eternity we always prayed she would, with Jesus in heaven. Admittedly sooner than we would have chosen believe me. As well, as I sit here sad and lonely for her presence I love to remember that she is LIVING in heaven. She is not in the grave. She is not 'Resting in Peace'. She is living, rejoicing, celebrating the Lamb, enjoying the fellowship of millions of believers who have gone on before. The bible says she is walking on streets of gold and the Lord had, in advance of here arrival, prepared a place for her. A mansion nonetheless. She is neither lonely nor hurting or sad, she has the mind of Christ and is experiencing joy everlasting. Those are the thoughts that I remind myself of.
  I will still keep many of Charitys things and will always keep her memory alive in our family. But by the grace of God may I put more energy into loving and caring for and fellowshipping with these young charges that I am so blessed to still have an impact on. And they an impact on me:)

This is the day...

  We  know that blessed verse. The one which bespeaks the Sovereignty of God. " This is the day thAt The Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."

  But, have you ever had one of those days when this version more aptly applies to your stAte of mind?"This is the day that The Lord has made. I'll get out of bed and deal with it"??

  That is more how I feel on occasion! 

  There are so many facets of things one goes through, and things to deal with when there has been a life trauma.Or in our case, the passing of our beautiful 16 year old Charity. I share my journey with you, in the off chance that you may derive comfort from knowing that you're not alone in how you feel or in your experience. 

  I'll never forget Patsy Clairmont talking about a pathetic mama who was rotting in jail for abusing her child. The mama said " if I knew that it was normal to feel so frustrated I wouldn't have felt so hopeless and alone"

  I recall for myself when we lost Nathaniel at the very beginning of my second trimester , reading on the Internet a dear mothers identical experience. It made me look away from myself and realize thAt I didn't hold the market on loss and grief. I don't get comfort from others pain but when you see a person survive a tragedy it gives you hope that you can survive it as well. 

  Regardless of our cross, the fact that He came to give us life and give it more abundantly, still applies to us soldiers who have been wounded in battle. 

  I can never thank The Lord enough for all of the encouragement I've received along the way from saints who have walked my path. 

  The Rogers family, the Lancaster family to name two. Such godly examples of grace. 

  Our prayer is still that The Lord would be glorified in and through Charity's life and our prayer is that we would honor Him in our journey of grief as well. 

You Learn Something New Every Day....

( Our beautiful Charity being the teacher!) 

   I have just recently learned something. Not thrilled about it, I consider it a problem and I intend by Gods grace to deal with it. Im grateful He brought it to my attention.
  The other day as I was mindlessly cleaning up , my ears heard one of the little boys call for Charity. I didn't really notice that he had said that or that I heard it, but at once it made me relax and sigh.
  Do I seriously think at this point that Im living a bad dream? Do I REALLY think that I am going to wake up and this all be unreal? I know Im awake, I know this is not a dream and I do not expect to wake up until I truly wake up in Heaven with the Lord. (1 Cor 13:10 comes to mind here; 10 But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away)
  As soon as what was in my heart, travelled to my brain I thought....strange. Then I asked my son who he was calling. Shaylee our dog. Oh, of course. It seemed odd to me that I had the response I did but I brushed it aside and went on with my day.
  Until....as I was waking up one morning I heard what sounded like a herd of elephants coming down the stairs (which is Charitys favorite way to do stairs) and again I heard a (frustrated) child call to Charity. Boy I just woke up with that warm and fuzzy feeling you get when everything is right in the world! You know, like the rare times when the entire family is home and it is Christmas morning or something. Yea that. So, same response from this mamas heart. At peace, relaxed and hopeful and 'all is right in the world'. Sigh! 

  I literally had to shake myself out of it and examine what was happening.
  Don't get me wrong, I don't believe there is a wrong way to mourn and I am not opposed to myself being imperfect (as I certainly am) or being weak or haywire or what have you. Yet...I really don't care to live the rest of my life in BONDAGE.
  Yes bondage. Am I truly only ever going to be happy and at peace again if my daughter comes down the stairs? Well, what kind of a Christian life is that? Ok, the unbelievers are free to hopelessly mourn for that which can never be ,but do you think that is Christs plan for me? Somehow I don't think so. (1Thes 4:13 comes to mind;But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope.)
  So all I can say is "Working on it". Something worthy of being noted and given to the Lord who promises to be my ever present help in time of need(.Ps 46:1-2 God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, Even though the earth be removed, And though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea) As Ive said before, this world has OH SO lost its luster for me. I am however, not willing that I should pine away the precious moments left to me in ungratefulness or discontent. Christ died that we might have life and have it more abundantly.

John 10:10¹⁰ The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly

  I wonder how many of us do this in other areas? A lost love, the death of a vision or a dream. I  have heard  how great of a loss it is when a family loses their home and every earthly possession.  Whatever the tragedy or cross,that weve been called to bear, do we resist the rod? Do we resent what the Lord in HIS  goodness has seen fit to bring to pass in our life? Do we even accept it, but in our heart never rest in the peace that He offers. Never really accept the Comfort that He offers and that only He can truly give?
  Im all about us saints taking the time we need to be conformed to His image, the process of sanctification is slow and, admittedly, painful. But holiness and godliness should be what we are after. That should be the goal. Sometimes we crawl there, some days we run...other days our hearts fail within us and we want to run screaming the other way. I understand. More than that, God knows. He knows our frame and He knows our hearts. In and of ourselves friends, we can do NO good thing. Christ in us, the hope of glory. The hope of life, the hope of redemption and restoration. He will do the work in us and through us in due time if we let Him. Lets let Him , shall we?
 

Change change change.....

  James 1:17:  Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.


  I tend to whine now and then about how much things have CHANGED for me in the past few months. I do feel a bit overwhelmed at times. I don't whine because I think I deserve better but because it is difficult to adjust to my 'new life' now that things are so changed in our household.
  We went from a mom and three teen daughters running the house to.....me. I assure you I do not come close to equaling the ability of us four gals together. The proof is in the...chaos~
  Isnt it nice and comforting to know, that in this crazy world...where nothing stays the same, that God never changes? He is the same. Reliable, sure and steadfast in Who He is and what He says?
 
  1 Thessalonians 5:18

 in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you


  Hmmm. What does someone in my "situation" do with a verse like that? In EVERYTHING? Wow. Ok, well I tend to be a practical person and assume that the Lord of Heaven is all wise, far wiser than I, and that He knows the best way, and that His ways are above my ways and His thoughts are above my thoughts. Because it doesn't seem 'logical' to me to give thanks in all things, does not determine that I will not. So, whine as I might, I do thank Him for this new season in our life. Im trusting that He will lead me and teach me and guide me in my daily routine and HELP me, where I cannot seem to help myself!
 
  Hebrews 4:14-16
Seeing then that we have a great high priest, that is passed into the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our profession. 15For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin. 16Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.


  How do you like that one? That is one worth hanging on to :) If youre going to take the 'good' you have to take the difficult as well. So I take both, give thanks in all things and go boldly before the throne of grace that I may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need. Boy do I need it. Daily? No...minute by precious minute.
  I honestly don't see clearly now how I will 'manage' the day to day. Partly because Im still grieving and that is wearing. Partly because although I am light years healthier now than I was two years ago, Im not up to par as I should be. However I DO know this,


Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

Matthew 11:28-29

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
Isaiah 40:29-31
He gives power to the weak
and strength to the powerless.
Even youths will become weak and tired,
and young men will fall in exhaustion.
But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not faint.Philippians 4:19
And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.
Romans 8:37-39
No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.
And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

   Yea, all of that ought to get me through the day:) How about you?
 

We are a vapor

  When I look at that beautiful picture of my 'girls' from the last post, it is nearly 'overwhelming'..
  Just last year at this time, we had 9 children living at home. By the end of this year I expect to have 5 (if everything goes as it is for Machaira;).....
  Overwhelming isn't necessarily a BAD thing. It is just. WOW....
  For the past several years it has been 'Me and the girls'. Our life has primarily revolved around 'The girls'.  The girls determined when you could walk into the kitchen, they handled all of the parties, daily meals, majority of the house keeping, and too much of the child training I regret to say....
  I remember when the 'big boys' moved away that I thought "I need to remember not to plan life around certain children because they grow up and move away and the dynamics change!"....well apparently I did not sufficiently learn that lesson because I did it again with my 'girls'......
   The Lord called Charity home, He then led Abby into the wilderness , and now Machaira...hehe well lets just say she may be 'moving on soon' as well.
  So I find myself left here, for the most part, with NO big girls. Can you say 'life changing events'.....How can you lose a child to death, then another to the world and then yet another to ...life, and not lose your mind and peace and faith with it?
  All I can say for me is, it is the same way Ive dealt with everything so far.
Take every thought captive. Think right thoughts. Believe God when everything by sight says not to, not trust my feelings, but trust in the unfailing immutable Character of our Great God. Let me also add that ones mindset cannot be maintained easily without the comfort, consolation and occasional admonition of the saints. There are some dear, dear , precious friends that help to make me who I am. And to mention, my godly husband who is not only strong, but knows his strength comes from the Lord. Like most men Im sure, he is solid and unwavering. I cannot begin to speak of how grateful I am for that man. He truly is the better half of this union.
  So enough of my whining. Why bother posting this at all? Well my greatest desire, when it comes to those outside of my home, is to be an encouragement. To share my failures and struggles so perhaps you can learn from them and not have to travel some of the difficult paths I have. I recall in the kids John Bunyan cartoon, "Smooth out the path for the pilgrims that follow"...I guess that is the heart of my intention.
  So here are some thoughts; (Tracylea Slinkard Im stealing part of this from our conversation;)
  As moms we say that our children are the Lords. I fear however that we don't really understand how. Pray that the Lord show you so that you need not learn the hard way like me.
  When a child goes to heaven you realize they are His to call home at will.
  When they walk away from your home and life in rebellion you realize you have no control over their will.
  When they grow up and away and move on, married or career or college you realize they are not yours to keep.
  Our children REALLY are the Lords. Such a difficult thing to realize when they are young and home and you are in a season of peace and safety and tranquility.
  It is also a peaceful realization to come to though. In Whose better keeping could they be in? Is there anyone who could love them more? He is the King of King and Lord of Lords, yea, I want my children to belong to HIM. Don't you?
 

Choose this day whom you will serve...

  If you are grieving, might I suggest you look up RC Sproul Jr and listen to his series on grief? Not only does he know about it, but he teaches well. He has been a special blessing to my husband as we have walked this path.
  Choosing..Choice. Even in our sorrow we choose. Do we sorrow as one without hope? Do we despair as one who has no Consolation? Maybe we FEEL like that sometimes but only for a moment. Or do we choose to go with how we feel, for a lifetime?
  I remember about a month ago finally voicing to someone what I was 'thinking' but hadn't yet articulated..." I want to truly smile. Not a fake strained, I will always be sad smile, but a true smile of joy that comes from the heart".....And I do. Always, no. Most of the time? Yes.
  We must remember even in our sorrow that Gods word is true and our emotions are not to rule our lives. God is good. God is our Comforter. God is our Healer. He is the Great Physician. Are these things true when we have lost a loved one? Yes. If you don't FEEL like it, that does not make it any less the truth.
  Do you recall the first lesson I learned on that fateful day? To take every thought captive? We need to do that at all times. I cannot honestly think of a time when we should not be doing that.


  In light of the recent , unfathomably heartwrenching tragedy of the little Mo girl Hailey...I want to remind you of some other things I have said so much since Charitys unexpected homegoing.....it could've been so much worse. We are so blessed. I have had it easy compared to others.
  I cannot tell you what I have gone thru emotionally for this family. I see the whole country was moved by it. Im sure that I, like many others shared many a tear and missed many a meal over it. In Charitys situation I never questioned the Lord one time....but the tragedy surrounding that precious little one ...lets just say that I was not given the grace to walk through that...I still don't have it. I pray fervently that the Lord grant that dear family the amazing grace which He has in such abundance....I know He can, I pray He will.. Pray for them.
   I titled this post 'Choose this day whom you will serve"....because every day we need to do that. I mean, everyone needs to do that. Do we serve the gracious Living God or ourselves? We have that choice.
  In our family each of us has had to make that choice as well. Brett and I have consciously decided to 'kiss the rod' and praise the Lord. Machaira, bless her sweet heart has allowed the Lord to touch her life in amazing ways. She has flourished in adversity. What a testimony her life is to the amazing grace we often talk about. Life is moving along quite well for her...
  As you recall there were 3 daughters in the wreck. Many of you sweet dear friends have noticed Ive not mentioned Abby much.....Sigh. Yep. Choices.....It was not with our blessing, and it was at the persuasion of others that she has gone off to Oregon for a while. She has 'family' there and as far as we know she is ok. Now as a mother who has lost a child and takes seriously the condition of the souls of her children I have  particular concerns in this situation. My concerns are 'Is she walking with the Lord, experiencing peace, keeping good company which in turn reinforces good morals, is she fully trusting in Him to heal and comfort her...is she taking every thought captive? No, no, no, no and no. Much much prayer for her would be highly appreciated by me.
  I realize that Ive become a bit of a zealous person through this tragedy. How can I not though? I mean it is so easy ,as we do the day in and day out of being a wife, mother , teacher, etc..to forget the ULTIMATE PRIORITY. But when you've lost a child...you tend to look at life and children differently. At least I do. I cant really speak for anyone else...
  So, I would just like to encourage you to, every day, every moment~Take every thought captive, and choose this day whom, or rather, what you will serve. Your emotions which are unstable, untrustworthy and unpredictable? Or, God who is the same yesterday , today and forever and changeth not...
 Heb 13:8
 Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.  Do not be carried about with various and strange doctrines. For it is good that the heart be established by grace, not with foods which have not profited those who have been occupied with them....
                                                    I choose Jesus
 

Charity will dwell in the house of the Lord forever....

  I realized and posted today, that "Charity has no less days to sing Gods praise than when she first begun two months ago today"...
  I don't expect to recognize each 'month' as some sort of landmark. Really every day is. Every day that we are relearning how to move forward and to live. Every day that we point the small children to Christ and teach them to accept all things from the Fathers hand.
  What an opportunity we have, and do not take lightly, to teach the small children to 'bless the Lord' and accept His blessings as well as His refining.
  Spurgeon has some good words on grieving and mourning. I think this audience would benefit far better by reading words from the prince of preachers rather than me. So I will leave you with this:)

“We grieve, but not as those who have no hope.” The exhortation here is delicately hinted at

– that the sorrow of bereaved Christians for their Christian friends ought not to be at all like

the sorrow of unconverted persons for their ungodly relatives. We are not forbidden to

sorrow: “Jesus wept.” The gospel does not teach us to be Stoics; we ought to weep for it was

intended that the rod should be felt otherwise we could not “hear the rod, and who hath

appointed it.” If we did not feel the stroke when our friends were taken away, we should

prove ourselves worse than heathen men and publicans. God’s grace does not take away our

sensibilities, it only refines them and in some degree restrains the violence of their

expression. Still, there ought to be some difference between the sorrow of the righteous and

the sorrow of the wicked.

Again, there is another thing we must never allow to enter into our grief – the least degree of

repining. A wicked man, when he sorrows for those who are gone without hope, not

unfrequently murmurs against God. But it is far otherwise with the Christian: he meekly

bows his head, and says, “Thy will, O God, be done.” The Christian must still acknowledge

the same gracious hand of God, whether it be stretched forth to give or to take away. The

language of his faith is, “Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him; though he should take all

away, yet will I not repine.” I do not say that all Christian persons are able to maintain such a

cheerful submission of spirit. I only say that they ought, and that such is the tendency of the

Christian religion; and if they had more of the Spirit of God within their hearts that would be

their habitual disposition. We may sorrow, beloved, but not with repining. There must be

resignation mixed with the regret. There must be the yielding up, even with grateful

acquiescence, that which God asks for, seeing we believe that he doth but take what is his

own.
  To read Spurgeons full sermon, you can find it here; http://teachingresources1.files.wordpress.com/2010/01/0304-christian-grief-chs.pdf

Joy Cometh in the Morning

   I am so grateful for Charitys disposition:) She has one of those personalities where, when she walks in the room there is energy and she always has a good attitude and cheerful disposition. That is just not something that you can readily teach a child. So we can take no credit for it. It is one of the most missed things about her in our home. If there is one thing I would like to leave people with in regards to our sweet, missed daughter, it is this. 
  It is a paper we found of her writing. Just a few weeks before the wreck. I just have to say that it is so HER. So let me introduce you to my daughter Charity with her own words.


  9-17-2013
Just my thoughts
The Bible says "A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance, but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken" (proverbs 15:13)
  You never understand this verse until you have had both a happy and cheerful heart and a broken and sorrowful spirit, but I really think that once you know what a broken spirit feels like, you get a little stronger and it takes a lot more to break your spirit  again. It really hurts but eventually every wound will heal over. Eventually it will turn into a scar. Just because something broke your spirit doesn't mean you re not strong, you show your strength by healing and moving on but sometimes that takes time.  Being broken doesn't mean your weak and you just give up. You trust God to bring  you through it even if it hurts because He has a plan and a reason for everything. Even if we never know the reason or reasons. So I move on because I refuse to be chained to sadness. I will be free in Jesus.


  Such a precious writing of hers. She truly was a child after mine own heart:)
 


Psalm 30:4-5
Sing praises to the Lord, O you his saints,
    and give thanks to his holy name.^[b]
5 For his anger is but for a moment,
    and his favor is for a lifetime.^[c]
Weeping may tarry for the night,
    but joy comes with the morning

Gods.Amazing.Grace.to me

  I often talk about a grateful spirit and a positive attitude. A positive attitude based on the realization of our position in Christ, and awareness of our manifold blessings. When I say 'positive and not negative', I am NOT talking about a mystical mental ascension or a 'name it and claim it gospel'.
  The week before the wreck, Brett , I and daughter Abigail went down to TX (in the worst snow/ice storms ever) to a Genesis Pure conference. Jeremy Fouts spent the weekend, using the book of Proverbs to help us to run our business. The over riding theme was to 'be positive not negative'. Not in business only, but in all of life.
  We really 'took that home'. We incorporated it into our daily life and in the raising of our children in a very new and impacting way.
  Sometimes I think as people and parents that we get 'negative' because we think we will derive a 'positive' response from it. That is as backwards as it sounds in reality.  Don't get me wrong there is a time and place for admonition and correction. But even in our discipline and admonishment our goal is not to 'condemn', it is to encourage restoration, bring about correction, improvement and godliness.
  So even though Brett has always said 'Don't be negative', we really sat the kids down and shared our vision and goal as a family and we all incorporated this attitude, more so, in that last week before the wreck. And, glad I am that we did.
   There was one day, after the wreck, after the funeral, after Christmas~ and little 5 year old Ella came to me. I was in the middle of making lunch when she said "Mommy can you help me make blankets for my babies since Charity cant help me now? Believe me I stopped what I was doing and went to the aid of my little ones need.
   Ella insisted on pink and blue fabric. That was fine but Charity is in charge of the sewing room and is the only one who knows where anything is. Discouragingly I started to go through tubs of fabric, hoping to happen upon the desired colors....Unknowingly I said out loud "Charity where is the fabric?"....Ella answered saying "Moooom, Charity cant hear you remember?".....ugg.
  On another side note, it has been years since I have attempted any sewing project without Charity. Although I have made all of our outfits for years for Scottish Dancing and un Civil War reenacting, I never 'sew alone' anymore. Honestly, she does most of the sewing I get credit for! All of this created a loathing to sew again at all.
  So as if the situation were not trying enough, Ella insisted on sewing in Charitys room. ug ug ug....
  It was a true act of self denial that few can comprehend. I had to force my body to do what it did NOT want to do. I thought it was important to do this for Ella, as we have learned that everyone grieves in their own way and this was part of her grieving.
  So, already having not slept well the night before, being in a funk at the task at hand, we found the fabric and entered into Charitys room to sew. I thought of something to send Ella for before we could begin just to give myself a minute to 'sit'. Sit I did. On Charitys bed, in Charitys room...missing her in a profound way...it was then that I spied, against the wall, one of Charitys composition books. I picked it up and flipped through it; Penmanship, English, school etc. then nothing but blank pages....til I flipped near the back of the booklet.
  I could have been NO less moved, had the Lord Himself handed me this book directly out of heaven. I was so moved and floored by what I read that I sat down again with my jaw hanging open and goosebumps galore.Not only was I impacted by what Charity wrote that I was reading, but Gods awe inspiring timing. Who am I that He should condescend to visit me in my affliction? Providing comfort to the brokenhearted? This is one of the many many reasons that I say "How Great is our God and full of loving kindness"...how could I say anything less? Be blessed.


Have you ever heard a heart break?

  Ever seen a loved one die?

  Well I know the pain your feeling, you think you cant survive.

  But I know, cause Ive been there, that God loves you still,

  and maybe what youre going through is His perfect Will.

  And God puts us through tests of faith to make us stronger for what is still to come.

  And even when we walk through storms we'll always have his love.

  And I know for certain that if God brings you to it, He can bring you through it.

  So hold on tight."

 

Thou art with me

  I have already mentioned the night before the funeral -that we were having some difficulties and tension at the task our family was facing, writing up the order of service. I mentioned that at one point we all 'dispersed', and my son Malachi went upstairs to Charitys room and brought down some things he had found.
  I  had been up there several times the previous days looking for...something. Anything.
  I expect many parents would dread the thought of finding 'hidden writings' of their 16 year old daughter. In reality, we have 11 children and 'all children are not created equally'....but I was looking for something anyways. Anything, I didn't know what really..I found nothing. For the record though I would only expect to find good things coming from Charitys hand but I could not have hoped for something so  precious and timely.
  The fact that Malachi went directly to her room and found 'anything' was amazing at all, since I had looked so hard and long for naught. But more amazing was what he found. He found her hand written testimony, that was written a years ago.  Can you imagine finding a sweeter more comforting writing on the eve of your childs funeral? It was truly a gift. I post it here with her misspellings in all of their glory;) Be blessed!
 

My Testamony

When I was about 9 years old I relised that I wasent saved. The years befor that, I thought that I was a Christian becaus I was raised in a Christian family and my parents were Christians. Well for a long time I thought I would go to heaven because I lived in a Christian family. But afte I moved to Missouri and my dad wa a pastor I started learning more about what Jesus did for me. I told my dad that I wasent  saved. he asked me if I wanted to get saved and be baptized. I said yes. But relly I didn't know what getting saved reley ment. I just thought   getting saved ment you just had to say some prayer and then you were saved, a Christian, and going to heaven but I was wrong. My dad asked me if I wanted to pray out loud with   him and I said no becaus I was shy and embarressed

 but I know know relly why. I guess I was shy beause I get that way around my dad sometimes even thought I have known him my whole life. That is11 years. Anyways I just thought I was saved for a year that I wasent. Well after a year of thinking what wasent true I kept thinking about it and thinking about it also studeing and learning what it reley ment I found it hard to play, eat and sleep without thinking about it.Then one night I just couldn't sleep. I cried alone before going to see my mom and talk to her about it weeks and weeks I had been putting it off and waiting for the right time. Finally I forced myself to talk to mom about it. The only reason I had to force myself is becaus I didn't want my parents to see my cry. Well my dad was in the shower until my mom got him to pray with me. My mom told me what getting saved rely ment and about having faith in Christ to take me home when I die . I am assured that I am saved and going to heavin.

 .

The Service in Pictures

  Here are pictures of some of dear Charity's family and friends.
  Not all of those who are dear are pictured here. First there is Caleb Royer who took all of these pictures and his family who provided us with precious photos. Our son Adam and daughter in law Jill who made a beautiful disc of pictures to music for the service. There is the Hamilton family who did all of the behind the scenes work of making the service flow beautifully, The Sutton family~Sara who selflessly played the piano for most of the service, the Hall and the Hope family who have blessed us so much and continue to do so.
  As well there are those dear people who were only able to be with us in spirit but were 'with' us indeed. To every one of you who helped to make this day beautiful for us, thank you.

So grateful for each one of you!

Our Machaira
 

Sweet Abigail

Our family

Reading poem sent by Pastor Rogers

Donna bravely reading the Christmas poem

Our Bri Bri

Mr Pelis

Grandpa Crowl

Raymond Purdom, SCD instructor and friend

Daniel Haummesser

Mr Clingman reading his beautiful prayer

Congressman Akin our dearly loved friend

My bestie Sara Pelis with sweet Jamie and our son Adam

Andrew Hurt

Sheila Wright my 'best singer!"

Dear Mrs East

Billy Altman ~family;)

Joe James

Billy Pelis, Dallas East

What a most wonderful man I am married to. Husband, father, preist and patriot.

Charity Mae Adams, our darling girl
You are eternal in the heavens, forever
in the arms of Grace and one day soon
I  will get to see your face:)