FEAR

  Fear is an interesting thing. I believe it is the cause of most negative responses in life.
  If we look at most of our 'responses' in situations, we find that we are 'fearful' of something and thus, react.
  So we were off again to the funeral  home. I had already discovered that I was fearful of 'seeing' something, or hearing of something unpleasant. That caused me to react poorly..or, react at all instead of acting how I should have,the first time around.


Dec 17 FB Post; Time to gather and pray for me saints. Going down to the funeral home again. Lord willing I will be understanding that in order to do their job - 'being sensitive' is difficult (if not impossible) for them. May the Lord remind me that my attitude is likely wrong and not theirs. Pray that my ire doesn't rise up like the South. No confidence in my flesh to speak of at the moment. Bringing her clothes down......and all that that means is very difficult to this mama...
 
  I literally prayed on the way down that the Lord would help me control my tongue. I realize we are not to put the Lord our God to the test but I told Him, "If I am truly born again, and I know that I am, and if you are a very present help in time of need, then I will NOT speak amiss or say anything that would dishonor you. If I walk away from there with head down because I 'blew it' then I will have to seriously consider whether or not I am saved"......
 
  The funeral director lady was present this time. I decided honesty was the best policy. As we began discussing 'Charity', I just said "Im not really comfortable talking in here and in front of him, no offense sir!" His comment, "I don't care" and he wasn't being rude. Like he said , he is just and ABC kind of guy.....
  She was great and listened to all of my requests. There were difficult moments. I showed her a picture of Charity and she commented on how beautiful she is. I told her 'Yes and sometimes she wears her hair more over her forehead..." She commented "It would be really good if I could pull her hair down over her forehead on this side......"..............."Oh, I see".....:( . She then informed me that Charity would need something to cover her arms.....mercy Lord. What did my poor little girl go through? (Quick take every thought captive!!) Oh Lord thank you that it is OVER. Its ok..its over. Over for her. She is whole, not in pain and in joy forevermore. Thank you!
  Then when I handed the lady the Campbell tartan sash for Charity to wear, that dear Chava Hall made for us, I couldn't recall which side we wear it on! UH! Weve been wearing these for over 3 years while we do Scottish dancing! Only royalty and members of , Flowers O Scotland dance troupe can wear their sashes and rosettes on a 'certain' side and for the life of me I couldn't recall which one!!! The lady was so patient as I said "I don't know which side it goes on but it has to go on the right one it is very important!" Kind patient lady. Few can understand the significance of tradition and heritage and she was very gracious....


  FB Post Dec 17; Thank you Lord. The funeral home experience was fine. I walked away at peace and blessed....just knew I was going to blow it. Thank you Lord for intervening. The lady was just wonderful.
At one point I couldn't remember which side the sash went on....I told her "I cant remember, weve worn them for 31/2 years and it has to be on the right side"...I was so distressed...then, you cant believe it...our Scottish Country Dance teacher walked in the door...God is good amen? Wow. He never ceases to amaze me, I cant believe I doubted him for a minute. Thank you saints for praying. Next hard thing will be the viewing tomorrow


  So do you see what happened? The man who would know which side the sash goes on WALKED in! At first, I said "Oh hi what are you doing here?" Proceeded with small talk. Then my dear wise husband asked "honey, is there something you need to ask Raymond about the sash?"..................
  "OH MY! RAYMOND YOU ARE HERE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!"  He must have thought I was going crazy as we had already had that conversation! Needless to say, he told us the proper side! That was a sweet blessing from the Lord for me:)
  Really, though I was fearful of so many things, the Lord walked us through and provided for each obstacle. How dare I ever complain when we have been blessed so much, and far more than many others who are so worthy to be blessed.
  We were then told that we had until noon to write her obituary......noon? Her what? Im sorry but if youre like me you haven't written one of those for your daughter before. How exactly do we write about her entire life in a few paragraphs? At a time when were unable to think clearly and we were living one moment to the next in the grace of God, how do we do justice to such a task?....


Dec 17 FB Post; HUGE THANK YOU to Marie Lasater today. What a GREAT help you were with the obituary. Ann Hines thank for leaving Elaine and Caleb to help! Trudy Barker-White were so grateful for your help and your hubby blessed us with the furnace 'stuff'. Chava Hall again I could've never done what you did for me, Sara Sutton brought dinner and cleaned and made the beautiful pictures of Charity. Sooo glad my friend Sara Johannes Pelis is here to make me smile. Thank you all...

  So you see, the Lord provided again. Not sure why I said she 'helped'...she, with the help of Machaira did it ALL!!!.....