For the Love of Charity

  I'm working on posting pictures from the funeral. In the meantime I wanted to thank the Hope family for their support in creating the gofundme donation site for Charity. It was a blessing to walk through the tragedy without worrying about expenses. 

  As well we are grateful to the Lewis family and the For the Love of Charity Benefit they are organizing for March 1 st. This will help with final expenses and the headstone purchase. 

  Here are a couple of pictures of a few of Charity's siblings wearing the Charity tshirt that the Lewis family designed. Thank you they are beautiful!

Peace in the Valley

What an honor to write our reflections of the Celebration of Life of Charity Adams. Thank you, Brett and Dana, for allowing us to be your voice and share ours.

December  13, 2013…I remember scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed and seeing urgent prayer requests from my sister in faith, Dana, and immediately sending up pleas on her behalf. Not knowing at the time, all I could say was “Father, be with them. Give them strength…” It would be hours before I would see another one from her but the next would stop me in my tracks…”one of our children is with the Lord”…at this point I went in to “do’er” mode…see, I have to be doing something. In times of crisis, I go into overdrive. I started sending up those “S.O.S.” prayers, calling Brett and Dana (couldn’t get through) and then calling my husband, Michael, only to find out that he couldn’t take my phone call…all I was left to do was pray…really pray, for peace, for mercy, for grace, and for comfort for my dear friends.

After awhile I got antsy (I’m telling ya, I’m a “do’er”) and headed to my husband’s store, still not knowing fully what is going on, other than the Adam’s had lost one of their precious girls. It wasn’t much longer after leaving that I finally figured out the big question…who? It was sweet Charity. I got to my husband’s office and shared with him the heartbreak…and we prayed. I came home and about the time I walked in the door Michael had called me to tell me to figure out how to start a memorial fund. Let me tell ya, I’ve raised money for several things through the years, starting a memorial fund for your friend’s daughter isn’t something you ever want to think about though. Where to start? How do you do it so that many can donate and the family can get the money quickly? Thankfully I stumbled upon GoFundMe and we were off and running.

I want to take the time right now to publicly thank each and every one of you who sacrificially gave.  This “do’er” was very blessed by seeing the action of others. You all quickly became the hands and feet of Christ in those dark hours. James 2:14-18 talks about our faith without works:

¹⁴ What does it profit, my brethren, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can faith save him? ¹⁵ If a brother or sister is naked and destitute of daily food, ¹⁶ and one of you says to them, “Depart in peace, be warmed and filled,” but you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit? ¹⁷ Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.

¹⁸ But someone will say, “You have faith, and I have works.” Show me your faith without your works, and I will show you my faith by my works.

You all demonstrated your faith in blessing the Adam’s family. No gift went unnoticed and each was received with a prayer of thanksgiving and for the giver. Again, thank you.

During the next week I remained in constant contact with Brett and Dana…again, being a “do’er” we guarded the GoFundMe account, answered emails regarding that, and eventually, walking a precious daddy through the process of setting up payment information to pay for a Celebration of Life…again…something you just can’t prepare for.

And about that Celebration of Life…what a Celebration it was! We arrived at the Adam’s home early. What a joy it was to see those sweet faces!  I’m so thankful that we arrived early and had time to just visit. I think we all needed that. Awhile after our arrival the Akins arrived and again, it was just time to reflect and visit. When it was close to the time to leave Brett gathered all of us together to just chat. To see a father’s love and hear his peace, even in a trial, what a testimony. After prayer it was the appointed time to leave for the church…again, something that came with an element of dread. But oh, I was wrong. It was just beginning, only, what we were about to witness was a work of the Lord.

When we got to the church it was just a small group, mostly family and close friends of the Adam’s. Upon Brett’s request we waited in the foyer while the family went to meet Charity and for alone time. As they walked in together, arm in arm, they weren’t weeping but rather, were rejoicing.  That was all this mama’s heart could take.  My mind flooded with questions…how would I react? Would my testimony be the same? Would I blame our Father, or would I rejoice as well? Out of reaction I grabbed my babies’ hands (who are 9 and 7) a little bit harder and held them a bit closer….

As the Adam’s walked in together Brett led his family in a hymn, and in my mind now, it’ll forever be “Charity’s Song” but really, the name is “Be Thou My Vision”. The lyrics are below.

Be Thou my vision, O Lord of my heart
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art
Thou my best thought by day or by night
Waking or sleeping Thy presence my light

Be thou my wisdom and Thou my true word
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord
Thou my great Father, I, Thy true son
Thou in me dwelling and I with Thee one

Riches I heed not nor man's empty praise
Thou mine inheritance now and always
Thou and thou only first in my heart
High King of heaven my treasure Thou are

High King of heaven my victory won
May I reach heaven's joys, O bright heaven's Sun
Heart of my own heart whatever befall
Still be my vision O Ruler of all.

This was the underlying theme of the whole Celebration…Charity’s vision was no fulfilled, she had met her treasure, her victory was won! What a testimony of faith and the perfect way to honor their daughter. Music is a reflection of the soul, and this particular song reflects Charity’s soul.

Once the family had their time together Brett invited those of us that were waiting into the church to join them. Again, the dread was gone and was replaced with an awe factor. How were they doing this? They were traveling such a dark place but with a smile on their faces and rejoicing on their lips. That’s what faith and trust in Jesus for our Salvation can do for you and they were reflecting that faith in their actions at that very moment.

As we "viewed the body" (as her physical form was just the container that held her soul) I remember thinking, she doesn't look like herself and in that moment I was personally grateful for the scarf that was given to the family. I remember Charity as a bright and happy girl, sweet 16 with lots of life...that's the memory I wanted to hang onto. And that scarf...how appropriate. Pure and white, simple, yet elegant. A veil really, but just enough to protect her and yet a reflection of how we see the world. As humans, in our physical body, we don't see things clearly, there's something blocking our vision...our sinful life. As 1 Corinthians 13:12 says "for we now see through a glass, darkly, but then face to face: now I know in part, but then shall I know even as I am known." Charity's physical body had its veil removed when her soul entered eternity with Jesus and now, she's face to face, and that veil is removed! That white, sheer piece of fabric is so poignant and fitting for a sweet 16 Believer in Jesus Christ!

It' wasn't too long before people started to arrive. At one point I personally left the church and the line was out the door! Good thing services were at the church...the Lord knew and providentially worked out the finer details for the family because once again, He knew! When the appointed time came people bringing in chairs because the sanctuary was full! My husband said this about the sheer volume of peopel: "I am amazed by the support and love from people of all walks of life and different social groups. Only a life well lived allows for that!" I tend to agree with Mr. Hope on that one!

As the services started the "Person of Charity" was about to be revealed, as my dear Michael put it. During our work with Brett and Dana we interacted with the older girls more and Charity normally took care of the "littles" (including mine) so that us, I guess "olders", could work and focus on the campaign. Because of this, my interaction with Charity was somewhat limited. I walked away from that service knowing though who Charity was...she was a friend, a beacon, sunshine, joy...she reflected Christ and His love through her actions and deeds. Her "walk" matched her "talk". This was demonstrated through many, many testimonies, poems, songs and her own words. Her personal testimony, one that she had written out herself, was the assurance that her family needed, and was the guiding focus of the whole service... "I am assured that I am saved and going to heaven"...and all I can is; SING WITH ME HOW GREAT IS OUR GOD!"...Out of the mouth of babes, right? No! More like out of the mouth of a Believer! Michael adds here "The communication of the gospel was comforting. Crystal clear. The fact that her father was able to stand and preach and lead services...what an example of fatherly love to other fathers. I'm not sure that I could have done what Brett did." (PS...I have no doubt that Michael would do the same...)

Worship, preaching, corporate worship, instrumental music, testimonies, prayer, poems and weeping in joy...what a Celebration of Life! A Celebration of Charity. A Celebration of Love! You could feel the Holy Spirit in the services and it was truly a worship service of our Father and Christ in memory of Charity Adams, not a memorial for Charity with a little prayer added in for good measure. 

As I personally reflect back on that day I am so thankful for the testimony of Brett and Dana. Since then I've had the opportunity to share my thoughts and feelings with Dana (and Brett) but let's just say, this mama and daddy's heart has been changed. Something that they both said about the whole situation was that they wanted to squeeze everything out of the loss of their precious daughter for God's glory. Our family has been blessed because of their testimony. The way we love our children and our desire to teach them and lead them has changed. We are only given a moment in time, a blink really, to spend with them. So much knowledge and real-life skills to pour in those little noggins in such a little time, but even more important, their spiritual life and teaching them a life of faith. Charity had those life skills, her presence is very missed in her home because of it, but the faith...that is taught through action and living out your own faith in front of your children. That teaching was evident in her life at her Celebration of LOVE. I commend Brett and Dana. I hurt for Brett and Dana and the entire family. I thank them sharing Charity with us. But, I rejoice with Brett and Dana as well in the knowing that Charity is not hurting, she's not in pain and she was spared from so many struggles we face on this sinful earth...she is rejoicing. There is peace in the valley, and that peace comes in the knowing. 

If you don't have that peace in the knowing, email Brett and Dana, or even myself. We would love to share with you how to have the same faith that Charity had...the same faith that carried the Adams family through their darkest of days. There is peace in the knowing, and it's the same peace that Charity had!

A thought as we wait.

  Im so grateful for the Hope family for working on the post regarding Charitys funeral. It is a huge blessing for me that they are willing to do that. No easy task either as her husband Michael Hope is running for state rep right now and their little boy was just diagnosed with strep!!! Prayers for the dear family would be appreciated!
  In the meantime I wanted to share with you a bit about the thoughts Ive had since Charitys passing.
  One day, I woke up and was just 'down'. I remember thinking "I just wish Charity would come walking down the stairs and that everything would just be BETTER"......
  However, I couldn't help thinking that perhaps, in light of eternity...in light of the fact that God does all things well and in light of the fact that His plans for us are for good and not for evil....that things being 'BETTER' , perhaps aren't what is BEST.
  Again I bowed to His decree and honestly am good with it.
  I cant hardly begin to relate to you how much the Lord has blessed people through the life and testimony of our dear daughter Charity. Isnt it better that I be without her for a little while so that others turn to Him? That He bring others to Himself through it? That He get glory? That dear despairing saints are renewed in their lives and their Hope? I say yes.
  Say yes with me:)
  Isaiah 40:31 But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
  We would love for you to comment how the Lord has ministered to you in this journey!

Just another thought....

I have spent 25 years cleaning kids rooms. I can easily recall all the irritation and frustration of doing so, until- I cleaned Charity's room several days ago. Then when I returned to it days later , it was still clean...... So in all honesty, I clean children's rooms joyfully now. Thanking The Lord for every little mess maker I have

It is finished

  I'm really not qualified to describe the day of the funeral. I'm hoping to get a sister to write that post for me. 

  This I do know, we were blessed to have our friends with us. Before the family went in for the viewing, I sat the kids down with color books and left their actions to Providence. 

  We had decided on an open casket viewing, and when I left the sanctuary, they would close it- keeping the veil for me. That way if someone wanted to attend the funeral and not view, they could. 

  With my husband on my right and my oldest son Adam on my left I embarked on the toughest part of the journey yet. I prayed fervently that The Lord, for just a wee minute would grant me the mind of Christ to endure the most difficult part of my life yet- off we went. But the closer we got I just wanted to shake my escorts off of me so that I could run to my daughter - see my sweet girl who I've been missing soo much!!! But do you know what happened when I got there?  

  I was full of joy- because I saw her and realized fully that SHE WASNT THERE!

  It was just like when my surviving daughters walked thru the door- I realized what I DID have and it made my heart glad. If Charity wasnt there, she was with The Lord. What better solace can a grieving parent have?

  We received so many wonderful emails, texts and messages in regards to the funeral itself that I believe it is safe to say that many of the hundreds who attended the funeral, walked away blessed. 

  But that is a story for the Hope family to write about which they have graciously agreed to do in the next post:)

It is 'nearly' finished.

  Where was I.....
FB Post Dec 18; This is a sensitive post, do not read if it may upset you....

The funeral gal stopped by. I guess she did a beautiful job. Charity however, has, been in an accident. My dear friend Gloria Purdom gave me a sheer white shawl. Im thinking we will use it over Charity. After all we are only seeing her through the veil anyways. Much grace needed tomorrow. We wont be on here tomorrow but trust we will be in your prayers and we will need it.
 
  Want to talk about fear? Wow. The day before at the funeral home, the second visit, at one point I sat down alone. I knew again, that somewhere...Charity was there. Should I go to her? Yes? Should I help the gal dress my daughter one last time? Surely that guy wasn't going to help was he? Would I be able to see her? What did she look like? She was in a bad accident.......My last thought was "Ok, if I think Im strong enough to go help dress her one last time, then surely I should do well tomorrow when she will be looking as well as anyone can make her look now..........Im pretty sure (but only God knows) that I made the right decision because before we left, the gal gave me Charitys boots then asked ; "Do you want the rest of her clothes?"...............all the while she was asking, she was shaking her head no. I recall looking at her and inadvertently my head began to shake no too. I said, "Oh well, uh no.....?." and before I could finish she jumped in and said " Yeah, no, good, you don't need that. Ok great!".......Even in my dull state I could take a hint:)
  That night, the family gathered together to write the order of service. Of course my husband, who is a pastor as well as the priest of his family, would perform the service. Well let me forgo a lot of the details, but just know that emotions were raw and tensions were high. The Lord had given daddy the grace to bury his daughter the next day but he had not given it to anyone else. Our oldest son wanted desperately to protect his dad from having to do something so hard....that was the intent of his heart.
  At one point, the heaviness in the room was more than the 'females' could take. The gathering dispersed and tensions were high. It was at this point that our son Malachi went for a walk upstairs into Charitys room.


FB Post Dec 18; For two days Ive been in Charitys room looking for...something. I don't know. Personal maybe. Then after the difficult task of the family being together and working out the order of service, the service that daddy is doing, my son walked down with some things of Charitys. Gifts and sweet comforts. As we finished up I picked up one of her notebooks and opened a page. It began "My Testimony", written when she was 11. It details her testimony and, It ends with the sentence "I am assured that I am saved and going to heaven"..................and all I can say is ; SING WITH ME HOW GREAT IS OUR GOD. Can you think of a sweeter comfort to find on the eve of your daughters funeral? Wow. just wow


  At that point all tension disappeared. What the enemy intended for ill, God brought together for good. I still stand amazed at the Providence and timing of our Good and Great God. How could anyone think any differently?
 Next FB post;

Brett N Dana Adams

December 19, 2013

It's our anniversary today:)

  Yes in the midst of it all, on the day of the funeral was our anniversary. To me, that was a sweet confirming gift though I cannot begin to describe why or how. Had her service fallen on the day before or after I would have felt like we were 'off' a day somehow. It is a precious sweet thing for me to share this day of union with the celebration of our childs homegoing. That is my perspective on it:)

  From our dear friend Dr. Gina Loudon;

 

Gina Gentry Loudon

December 19, 2013 near San Diego, CA

Today is Brett N Dana Adams' wedding anniversary. Today my friends, Brett and Dana bury their baby, their sister, our friend, and God's own. I can tell you that her life, and their testimony, have fundamentally changed me. Please join me in prayer for this sweet family today who have sung praises even in the midst of their deepest, darkest valley; who have taken time to love and give more than th...ey have taken in full demonstration of the glory and love of Christ, Himself. Until then, sweet Charity.

"I pray that He may grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power in the inner man through His Spirit, and that the Messiah may dwell in your hearts through faith. I pray that you, being rooted and firmly established in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the length and width, height and depth of God's love, and to know the Messiah's love that surpasses knowledge so you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do above and beyond all that we ask or think according the the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever, Amen." Eph. 3: 16-21.

 

  Then finally, my post from the car on our way to the funeral;

"On our way saints".....we left our house with dozens of dear sweet family and friends and friends that are closer to us than family. They are the true saints. Walking among us in obscurity, serving, supporting, helping, caring, praying....we are forever truly blessed by each one. Nothing we do will ever make us deserving of all of the support we had.

  Congressman Akin, that morning, saved the house from burning down. Jonica wasn't about to let my ghostly pale face out of the house without a bit of 'color', Trisch Breed did my laundry, my dear Sara Pelis and all of the family walked among us and loved us, Isaac, Brian, Lisa Tantone and Abby Hurt coming alongside to play music with Machaira....who else am I missing? Lulli Akin made sure the house was locked up.

  Most of that day was a blur. There were some present who were in their right mind to relate what occurred and for that I am truly thankful! Very thankful too for Caleb Royer who took some very precious photos.

FB Post by Jonica Hope Dec 19; Sobering. Prayers for Brett N Dana Adams right now please. What a picture of grace and peace. Amazing spirit and faith in action

  The days previous to the funeral I had 'accosted' every friend that entered my home asking "hey what are your thoughts on an open coffin? Should children look? How do you tell them that Charity is in heaven yet in front of them"....Brethren do you know EXACTLY who I sounded like???????????? THE FUNERAL DIRECTOR MAN!!!  Some of my poor dear friends were shocked and devastated at my question! I was completely inconsiderate of their tenderness and state of mind! I was totally thoughtless of the grief they were enduring. So you see saints, things happen:) We would all do well to be kind, tenderhearted( and loving one another), forgiving one another as God for Christs sake hath also forgiven us:) as Eph. 4:32 describes.

Perspective...

  A Heavenly perspective is a good thing to have on this earth.
  Or you could call it godly, biblical, theologically correct. Call it what you will.
  It is good to have because it takes us outside of the realm of the immediate. It takes us outside of ourselves and our circumstances and helps us to think clearly.
  I think of the verse, John 8:32 "you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free"...again I may be speaking out of context but Gods word has the ability to speak to multiple things and principally speaking....knowing the truth is freeing. Living in ignorance is bondage.
  When a saved loved one dies, we are freed from fear and loathing if we know that they are rejoicing evermore in heaven with the Lord. What if we didn't know about the goodness of the Lord or what His reward was for His saints?
  When the day is dark and gloomy, and our hearts are heavy with longing for our sweet one who has gone before~when our empty arms are aching and the tears are flowing unstoppable; it helps to gain a heavenly perspective. Our loved one is REJOICING! They are in the presence of the One with whom we all long to be with one day! They are in a country where there is no pain, no weeping, no darkness! So rejoice in the truth of their security and safety.
  If we know Gods word, diligently studying and applying it, we will know the truth and the truth is freeing.
  When we unwittingly embarked on this journey, we had no other choice than to believe God and His promises to us. It was not because we have more strength than anyone else, or that we have a closer walk with the Lord than any other..On the contrary, we were desperate and appealed to the highest authority that there is! The one that holds the key to life and death, the Sovereign one who is the Alpha and the Omega. Thankfully, the Lord in His mercy spoke to our hearts early on that
;
 Psalm 46:1-3 God is our refuge and strength,
A very present help in trouble.
² Therefore we will not fear,
Even though the earth be removed,
And though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;
³ Though its waters roar and be troubled,
Though the mountains shake with its swelling.....


It is not to late for you to do the same.
  We have learned on this journey, though there are so many dear saints who know the goodness of the Lord in their tragedy and have ministered to us~that there are just as many who are afraid to believe the promises of God for them and their loved ones who have gone on before.
  Can I encourage you? Wherever you are

in  your loss, grieving or heartache?


Matt. 5:4 Blessed are those who mourn,
    For they shall be comforted.
2 Tim 2:11 For if we died with Him,
We shall also live with Him.
Rev 21:4-5  And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.”
⁵ Then He who sat on the throne said, “Behold, I make all things new.” And He said to me,^[b] “Write, for these words are true and faithful.”


  I confess that I have not suffered much. There are far more tragic ways to die and to lose a child I realize. I also know that the Lord has only given me the portion of grace I need to walk through our journey and he has not given me the strength or grace to walk through yours.
  By the same token, do not fear that you will have to endure our suffering. He has called us to this not you. If however, He does call you to a similar path, He will give you the grace you need to endure.
  I cannot conceive of some of the pain and suffering mothers have endured on this earth. But this I do know, God is faithful. We are not. God is good. This world, not so much...


 And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God.
²⁸ And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
²⁹ For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren.Romans 8:27-29
  Let us not fight the goodness of the Lord as He conforms us to the image of His dear son. From an eternal perspective, we should desire nothing more. Life is a vapor and eternity is just that. Eternity...forever.
James 1:2-5 My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, ³ knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. ⁴ But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. ⁵ If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.....
 

FEAR

  Fear is an interesting thing. I believe it is the cause of most negative responses in life.
  If we look at most of our 'responses' in situations, we find that we are 'fearful' of something and thus, react.
  So we were off again to the funeral  home. I had already discovered that I was fearful of 'seeing' something, or hearing of something unpleasant. That caused me to react poorly..or, react at all instead of acting how I should have,the first time around.


Dec 17 FB Post; Time to gather and pray for me saints. Going down to the funeral home again. Lord willing I will be understanding that in order to do their job - 'being sensitive' is difficult (if not impossible) for them. May the Lord remind me that my attitude is likely wrong and not theirs. Pray that my ire doesn't rise up like the South. No confidence in my flesh to speak of at the moment. Bringing her clothes down......and all that that means is very difficult to this mama...
 
  I literally prayed on the way down that the Lord would help me control my tongue. I realize we are not to put the Lord our God to the test but I told Him, "If I am truly born again, and I know that I am, and if you are a very present help in time of need, then I will NOT speak amiss or say anything that would dishonor you. If I walk away from there with head down because I 'blew it' then I will have to seriously consider whether or not I am saved"......
 
  The funeral director lady was present this time. I decided honesty was the best policy. As we began discussing 'Charity', I just said "Im not really comfortable talking in here and in front of him, no offense sir!" His comment, "I don't care" and he wasn't being rude. Like he said , he is just and ABC kind of guy.....
  She was great and listened to all of my requests. There were difficult moments. I showed her a picture of Charity and she commented on how beautiful she is. I told her 'Yes and sometimes she wears her hair more over her forehead..." She commented "It would be really good if I could pull her hair down over her forehead on this side......"..............."Oh, I see".....:( . She then informed me that Charity would need something to cover her arms.....mercy Lord. What did my poor little girl go through? (Quick take every thought captive!!) Oh Lord thank you that it is OVER. Its ok..its over. Over for her. She is whole, not in pain and in joy forevermore. Thank you!
  Then when I handed the lady the Campbell tartan sash for Charity to wear, that dear Chava Hall made for us, I couldn't recall which side we wear it on! UH! Weve been wearing these for over 3 years while we do Scottish dancing! Only royalty and members of , Flowers O Scotland dance troupe can wear their sashes and rosettes on a 'certain' side and for the life of me I couldn't recall which one!!! The lady was so patient as I said "I don't know which side it goes on but it has to go on the right one it is very important!" Kind patient lady. Few can understand the significance of tradition and heritage and she was very gracious....


  FB Post Dec 17; Thank you Lord. The funeral home experience was fine. I walked away at peace and blessed....just knew I was going to blow it. Thank you Lord for intervening. The lady was just wonderful.
At one point I couldn't remember which side the sash went on....I told her "I cant remember, weve worn them for 31/2 years and it has to be on the right side"...I was so distressed...then, you cant believe it...our Scottish Country Dance teacher walked in the door...God is good amen? Wow. He never ceases to amaze me, I cant believe I doubted him for a minute. Thank you saints for praying. Next hard thing will be the viewing tomorrow


  So do you see what happened? The man who would know which side the sash goes on WALKED in! At first, I said "Oh hi what are you doing here?" Proceeded with small talk. Then my dear wise husband asked "honey, is there something you need to ask Raymond about the sash?"..................
  "OH MY! RAYMOND YOU ARE HERE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!"  He must have thought I was going crazy as we had already had that conversation! Needless to say, he told us the proper side! That was a sweet blessing from the Lord for me:)
  Really, though I was fearful of so many things, the Lord walked us through and provided for each obstacle. How dare I ever complain when we have been blessed so much, and far more than many others who are so worthy to be blessed.
  We were then told that we had until noon to write her obituary......noon? Her what? Im sorry but if youre like me you haven't written one of those for your daughter before. How exactly do we write about her entire life in a few paragraphs? At a time when were unable to think clearly and we were living one moment to the next in the grace of God, how do we do justice to such a task?....


Dec 17 FB Post; HUGE THANK YOU to Marie Lasater today. What a GREAT help you were with the obituary. Ann Hines thank for leaving Elaine and Caleb to help! Trudy Barker-White were so grateful for your help and your hubby blessed us with the furnace 'stuff'. Chava Hall again I could've never done what you did for me, Sara Sutton brought dinner and cleaned and made the beautiful pictures of Charity. Sooo glad my friend Sara Johannes Pelis is here to make me smile. Thank you all...

  So you see, the Lord provided again. Not sure why I said she 'helped'...she, with the help of Machaira did it ALL!!!.....

Just a thought -

.

  When you lose a child, some say, "heaven needed more angels".  

  Although that is a sweet sentiment and people are so dear to strive to offer some comfort- but;

  Charity is not and never was an angel. And I rejoice in it! Do you know why?

  Christ didn't die for the angels. He died for you, and Charity and all of us "people"

  Because she is not an angel, His sacrifice was propitiation for her sin.

  Pastor Rodley spoke today of the seraphim in Isaiah who are not worthy to look upon Jesus who is high and lifted up on His throne. We however, the scriptures say, may come boldly before His throne! Wow! Praise The Lord that we are people, His brethren, and NOT just angels!  

Walking through the details...

 Oh mercy but the support and help of the Hines, Royers, Halls, McNews, Wrights and Yorks cannot be overstated...  thank you.




  Dec14 FB post by me; Her life was not cut short. She lived her life to the very last day that God decreed she would. The day He chose from all eternity.


  That is what I wrote and that is what I believe.
  Its interesting how you can deal with a tragedy and then it is the details and nitty gritty that are so hard to tolerate.
  Dec 16 FB post by Trisch Breed; Pray for the Brett N Dana Adams family today. This is the day they have all the decisions to face and make for their daughter Charity's Home Going celebration of her short time on this earth this Thursday. Let God be glorified in the celebration they plan today.


And another FB post by me; Ok friends, this is Dana. Im dressed. Baby steps out the door.
Just heard that Charitys story is on national news. Lets get every mile of glory to God out of this that her life and death be not in vain. I know it wasn't! Blessed to tears. So blessed to have Janet Crowl and our dear Hal here today! Thank the Lord for preserving his life! So thankful they are here for us and our family. Thank you Trudy Barker-White family for being here today! Your family and girls are such a blessing!


  The planning and the details. Tough stuff. I remember thinking "This isn't stuff I should  have to work out details for." That was the only time I allowed myself a thought like that. The pit of despair waits to consume us and I choose to not fall in to it. Even now, I realize I am under no special dispensation , like I have suffered enough. Our current sufferings do not exempt me from future ones. I also see clearly how much more others have suffered than me. Remember Pastor Saeed....
  We were on our way to the funeral home. That was the most dreadful experience. I realize that I was in a delicate condition. I also realize that everyone in town gets along with the man down there. I also realize~ and he did not; that this was my first rodeo. "Choose a casket" should be said with a bit more gentleness... and how was I to know what a 'Vault' was? When he asked me to pick out a registry book for the guests, I didn't need to hear the price of each one as I looked at it. Im so ignorant I didn't know what we needed flowers for but I was happy to order some...What in the world is a spray?????
  Knowing  it was likely  my attitude  that was negative, I sat up with a smile and said to the man and my husband "I am going to the car now:)".....I felt terrible that I was forsaking my  husband but a person can only take so much. I could single handedly destroy the testimony of the entire church worldwide from the beginning of time, with a few cutting words and I did  not want to put my self to
 the test. It was better to walk away....


  Here was my post when I got home; Well I want to stay positive, there is enough negativity in the world right? So I will forgo the funeral home experience and just say that I didn't see anything traumatic. And I WILL tell you that the sweet dear lady at the Woodys Flower shop in Licking blessed our heart and ministered to us in such a sweet way.


  And the lady there WAS a sweet compassionate dear. That is what I expected to find  at the funeral home. I must say in the funeral directors defense, they couldn't do their job if they were like the dear lady at the florist. They would cry all day and get nothing done. As well, I realized later.....When I was at the funeral home.......... I knew that somewhere, Charity was there.. Where was she? What did she look like? Would I open a wrong door and see her? Did I want to? Was I a bad mom if I didn't want to? Not to mention, funeral homes are not the place to even consider having a funeral. They are sterile, dreary, impersonable....We ended up having the funeral at a church by a sweet twisting of fate orchestrated by the Lord.
  What finally sent me to the car at the funeral home,  was,  I told the director we were concerned about the number of people who would be attending and we thought best to have the service at a church. He looked at me and said "Even at a good funeral there aren't that many people. You wont have that many".......It was then  I determined that even if only 14 people showed up at the funeral, I wanted to have it at the church anyways!! Not that dreary depressing funeral home! And, God forgive me for boasting if I am, but he ate his words later.
  Honestly, he also did a great job and was a huge help and support. A mans got to do what a mans got to do I guess.
  It was not long after that a friend posted the following poem online for me. Donna Johnson. And she bravely read it at the funeral as well. So let me leave you on a positive note with it;

 

Shadows mean there must be light....

Fb post Dec 13;
 Thank you all for your sweet and comforting condolences. We know so many of you grieve with us. Please remember our daughters Kyra and Abby. Such pain, such a burden. Pray that the Lord would give us wisdom to turn their focus on the only hope we have ...The Lord alone can help them sustain this burden. May it all be for His glory. If it is for His glory then her death is not in vain. Long night ahead. Thank you for your prayers. Dana


  For the first time in my life, when I think of the verse referring to the 'Valley of the shadow of death'...I realize, that in order for there to be a shadow..there must be some light. Right? Otherwise it would be complete darkness and we would not be able to find our way.


Fb post Dec 14:  A broken and contrite heart You will not despise O Lord.


  So many sweet responses we got to that; Douglas Bond (another author you must seek out!) wrote;
Prayed in the night watches for you all and thought of what Samuel Rutherford wrote to grieving parents:
Ye have lost a child -- nay, she is not lost to you, who is found to Christ; she is not sent away, but only sent before; like unto a star, which going out of our sight, doth not die and vanish, but shineth in another hemisphere.


  And another from Jason Matayas (Seeds for Generations);Brett and Dana - we are heartbroken from the news of your loss. Please know that Shannon and I, and our children are praying for you in your time of grief. May the abundant joy and peace of Jesus our Savior fill you and your home today and in the weeks to come.


  Many sweet friends Dr. Gina Loudon and Zina Hackworth posted....Then, my
dear Jonica Hope started the gofund me memorial fund first thing and I foolishly wondered...what do we need money for? I found out.
  What I want to take time to show you now, is how the Lord is gracious. How He was so kind to bring comfort to a hurting mothers heart. Empty arms are painful.
  Thankfully Douglas Bond tagged me in a comment and brought my attention to what Pastor Wayne Rogers posted on his line in regards to our daughter Charity. I was so comforted and moved by his post that I somehow had the courage and ability to read the following in its entirety at the funeral.


  "Samuel Rutherford wrote to a Christian Gentlewoman in 1628, on the death of a daughter.

“Remember of what age your daughter was and that just so long was your lease of her. Seeing that her term was come and your lease had run out you can no more justly quarrel against your great Superior for taking his own than ...a poor farmer can complain that his master taketh a portion of his own land to himself when his lease is expired.

Do not think her lost when she is but sleeping in the bosom of the Almighty: Think her not absent who is in such a friend’s house. Is she lost to you who is found to Christ? If she were with a dear friend, although you would never see her again, your care for her would be small. Oh, now is she not with a dear friend and gone higher upon a certain hope that you shall in the resurrection see her again when you may be sure that she shall neither be sick or consumed in body.

Consider what the Lord is doing: your daughter is plucked out of the fire and she rests from her labors. Be wise then and as I trust you love the Lord, pass by your daughter and kiss the Lord’s rod. Run your race with patience, let God have His own, and ask of him, instead of your daughter, the daughter of faith which is patience.”
   My favorite part is the last sentence...kiss the Lords rod. Hebrews 12:11 " Now no chastening (discipline) seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it." Will we consider what the Lord is doing? Will we be wise? By the grace of God we purpose to be. Lord help us.....

Walking through the Valley....

  Let me say that most of the week following the car wreck, is a blur.
  We were blessed by so many. Our first support came from our friend and author Michael Bunker (I encourage you to find his books on Amazon by the way) who put out an all point bulletin for prayer and support. He was preparing to drive up but at the request of his church, and at our encouragement he stayed put. It was bad weather still...Next our dear friend James Pelis drive straight here from out of state as well. Then at ten oçlock our dear and faithful friends, Congressman Todd Akin and his wife, with son Wynn, and daughter Abigail drove down to be at our side.
  I would say literally, two hundred people came along side, with no thought to self or comfort, to be here for us. The Lewis Family,White family, Hamilton family and so many more were such a huge blessing.
  My only grief in all of this is that I don't readily remember all the visitors and names. But your deeds have not gone unnoticed. In my quiet times I recall a deed or word or visitor and I pray Gods blessing down on the heads of each one of you. God knows your deeds and I ask Him to reward you where I fail to.
  The first night, the night of the wreck, dear Machaira,20, had to sleep with me in my bed. When you experience trauma, and even for me... though you take every thought captive all day long, as soon as you get horizontal and your head hits the pillow, the enemy moves in with a vengeance. I do hope you realize brethren what a fierce and hateful enemy opposes us.
  She would moan as she fell asleep, then as soon as that blessed sleep would arrive, the images would return. She would jump and cry and jolt and shake. It was nothing short of horrible. Once she would be sleeping and still, I would get up and go check on Abby. She was sleeping with Abigail Akin and had support, but I would put my hand on her shoulder to still her when she would jolt. She was clearly grieving differently and we were watchful of her. She seemed a bit in denial.....So of the two Machaira needed me the most. Aside from all of this....what took me a few days to realize (duh) My daughters were in a very bad car wreck and they were physically hurt as well as emotionally. As of writing this post Machaira still has glass embedded in her foot. Dr Wright spent nearly two hours trying to get it out yesterday to no avail....
  I think of the verse Romans 8:28, Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.... and Im not speaking of its context, as I am no theologian,(I rely on my wise husband for that!) but on the second day when I was finally able to try and sleep.....I would just moan. A broken heart can speak no words.
  Although I had an abiding hope that Charity was safe, and eternal in the heavens with the Lord, I had lost such a huge part of me, and, not to mention....I love Charity. She is my biggest helper, the heart and joy of our family. For at least two years I have not done a project without her. Sewing especially. When she walked into a room she brought a smile and energy that few possess. Our little Samuel has her same spirit:)
  Brett was so kind, in his own suffering, to hold me for hours and I would just groan. For the next week I woke myself up, verbally calling out to Jesus. Im not sure what I was thinking but in my sleep I would call out to the only One who can really heal us. I can honestly attest to the fact, and may I encourage you brethren, that He is truly our Healer and our Comforter. He can, and will Heal and Comfort you in your own suffering if you let Him. I have put Him to the test in this , and He has not failed me.
  Part of any walk, and walking through this Valley for us, are the many battles to fight. Self, the enemy~the battle my friends is for the mind. Doubt, regret and guilt are the prizes the enemy offers hurting ones in their weakest times. These things must be rejected. These things can only be fought against with the Lords strength. We cannot do it in our own strength. Truly during these times we need the Living God to intervene on our behalf.... We will share with you how the Lord gracious intervened on our behalf and showed Himself mighty......
 

Here and now

One month anniversary of our daughters home going. Wow. Miss her terribly. Rejoicing that she is enjoying her reward. More tomorrow-

More than in the midst of the Valley.....

  After my grandson said "Noni, God told me Kyra isn't dead", I told him...ok. Just remember if any of the girls do not come home they are safe in heaven and alive forever.
  In looking back I don't know why I didn't assume that one was critically injured in the hospital. It seems like that would be the first rational thought. It didn't cross my mind that I know of or recall.
  As for FB, Im having trouble navigating and finding posts. But this I know, that the body of Christ surrounded us all in love and prayers and with encouragement. What a blessing it is and was for us. I remember being so proud of Gods people. Not just for their blessings to us, but the Lord was and is glorified in their love toward another. There is so much, deserved I realize, negativity toward the 'church', yet this was encouraging and they were living out Gods heart toward us. They were brave and sensitive to the Lords promptings on our behalf. It is a difficult and courageous thing to say, or post or send, or visit a grieving family. How awkward! They had no idea what reception they would get from us. Yet, they came, they wrote, they blessed and encouraged and I pray the Lord bless each one of you tenfold. I have many children and know how much of a task it is to go buy a card, write it, get a stamp and mail it! Your good deeds have NOT gone unnoticed. Bless you.
  So, I do not know how long it had been. I was sitting there on the couch in the front room. Suddenly in a daze I looked down the hallway and saw my dear husband coming toward me. "Hey honey Im here do you know anything'. I sat with him, on his lap and said no. He told me, "Its ok honey" and he held me. He asked again if I knew what happened (many by then did via texts / calls etc) I said no, and then asked him to give me a minute.
  I got down on my knees on the floor and prayed for the strength to accept His decree. I prayed without a lick of faith that He would help me to accept the news. Then I told Brett Ok,......and he said it. There it was. Life as you know it is no more. "Charity is in heaven honey".
  The thought of it makes me cry... But at the time, as soon as I felt my heavy heart sink in utter sadness and felt it literally break, my two other daughters ran into the door. It was perfectly orchestrated timing on the Lords part. You NEVER EVER EVER, saw a more joyful, thankful, grateful, happy mother in your life. In the split second between the news and them walking in the door, I was somehow determined to hold fast to what I attained and trust the Lord for what I could not control.
  Those poor, sweet, traumatized, broken daughters were weeping...they were saying "Sorry mama" they were saying "We couldn't help, we failed........." poor broken daughters. As hard as it was I knew we  had to minister to them. Not to mention the other sad little ones gathering around us wondering why Charity went to heaven. Weeping that they wanted her to be home.
  The girls are the ones that had to literally walk through that valley of the shadow of death. And more so, watch and listen as their dear little sister as she walked through it to the other side. They saw, experienced and heard things that I will never know about. I have been spared much.
   My husband who arrived on the scene was witnessing to the people there. He in courage that comes from suffering and knowing God, told the people that "My daughter is not here". I hope he shares his experience on the blog soon. As for now he is burdened with all of the details of the occurrence. Hospital bills, insensitive insurance company and paperwork. Shopping for a headstone.. Hard for a daddy to hold his childs death certificate....
  I recall holding Machairas face in my hands (the driver) and telling her "You just found out that you are not God didn't you"..... I encouraged them, in my utter weakness to take every thought captive. Repeatedly for the next week I would randomly ask them if they were thinking right thoughts. I remember at one point,( it sounds harsh I know~ but we face a fierce enemy and the truth only will set these girls free).....but at one point I had to tell them; "Arent we comforted knowing Charity is safe, its all over and she is full of joy in heaven?"  When their response was one of sorrow, a nod and looking at the floor, I told them...."If you are going to believe that Charity is enjoying her reward, then you also have to believe that God is Sovereign. If you cannot accept that the Lord took Charity and not black ice, then you can have no comfort that she is enjoying her reward. We are compelled to take the whole counsel of God. "...... then to make it clearer..."Its all or none girls." 
  Ive heard from a couple of people that this was too harsh. I realize I am a bit zealous at this point. Losing a child will CHANGE YOUR LIFE. Change. Like, having a baby will change your life. You live and think differently. Your situation causes you to lean more on Christ than ever before. It creates the opportunity for His strength to be made perfect in our weakness. The things this world has to offer really have lost their luster. That is not a bad thing. Suffering somehow burns away the dross in our life if we submit to the Lord and don't harden our neck toward Him.
  I really feel as if I have entered into a fellowship of suffering with the Lord that I never had before.. My theology has been put to the test and it has not been found wanting. I know that God is good. He is Sovereign. He is our Great Physician and our Comforter.  He does send the balm before the wound.
My circumstance and situation does not change the truth of our immutable God. He is the same yesterday , today and forever.
 

The Journey into the Valley begins.....

  December 13, 2013.
  The girls were up and scurrying around to get ready to go. I related to Abigail that the girls could not leave that morning with Machaira unless the kitchen was completely cleaned. If it were not done, they would have to wait for dad to drive them up to Rolla later.
  At one point I looked into the kitchen and was amazed it was cleaned so fast. The last thing I recall was seeing Machaira walk out, saying by to Abby and Charity whizzed by and I barely caught a blurry glimpse of her as she flashed out the door. Out the door forever.
 Little did I know that she was walking out of this world within a half an hour, and be walking into her heavenly home. She would be going through a deep river to get there but the Lord promises to help us over and to never leave us or forsake us and I trust He fulfilled His promise to my precious and beautiful daughter.
 Back to that morning though; About 20 minutes after the girls left,  I sat in the front room visiting with my son, and I heard yelling in the back of the house. Soon Brett came stumbling frantically down the hallway pulling on clothes,and I heard an irrational, highly distressed voice on the phone. Brett said "Anthony something bad come one!".....and they were out the door.
  Needless to say I sat there stunned. My first thought, without thinking was to gather the small children and my two grandsons around me. I had us all  get on our knees ~ it was time to pray.
  As I stood up my mind began to reel in a million directions and I remember thinking "Take every thought captive...the truth will set me free". I trust that the Lord in His mercy gave me this message in my heart.
  So the next couple of hours were spent...taking every thought captive. And folks, in the midst of a crisis is not the time to start doing this. If we practiced this daily, it would keep us from falling into various sins. It would keep our hearts and minds sensitive to the Lord and keep us mindful of His word....I urge you brethren to exercise this muscle daily as it will guard you in your way.
  Along with taking every thought captive, I would clean, break down and cry, fall on my knees and cry out to God for the lives and safety of my girls...but as the hours wore on...I began to pray for grace and mercy. I prayed that the Lord would give me that amazing grace, to help me to say Yes Lord to whatever He had decreed for our family that day. I honestly, out of no good thing in me, bowed to His Sovereign will and submitted to the rod.
  After realizing that Brett wasn't responding to text messages, in my heart I knew. I knew at least one of my daughters was no more. So I gathered the young children around me again and instructed them as best as I could . I told them that something hard has happened. That one of the girls may not come home today. I told them though, that whatever happened ~ the girls were safe, either here or in heaven. To be absent from the body, is to be present with the Lord for those of us who believe. I knew that Machaira believed, I knew that Charity did...Abigail not so much.
  At that point I left the littles and prayed again. Feeling dreadfully sad but at peace. Strengthened in the inner man so to speak. Which says nothing of myself, that was a gift from God. Then my 5 year old grandson Owen called me from the bedroom. When I went to see what he needed he told me; "Noni, God told me that Kyra isn't dead"............

Entering the Valley.....

  On Dec 13, 2013, this mamas life changed forever. Not mine alone either. As I intend to let my FB posts help me to chronicle this journey up to this point, so that I may go forward from here, I am looking back at posts.
  On Dec 12, my post for the day was; By God's amazing grace, may you have a peaceful, positive and blessed day today all!

  That night we had the family over. We decorated the tree, watched Brad Stein on youtube and listened and danced around to the music from 'Christmas with a Capital C'.
  I remember looking into the front room as the family watched Brad Stein. (Gods Comic) I recall seeing Charitys smiling cheerful face. She walked into the kitchen and kept 'helping' me. I hugged her and thanked her for being such a help to me. Everyone else seemed to want to do their own thing but she, that night, was being mindful of me and celebrating and making sure we were all having fun.
  I recall her encouraging her reluctant sister Machaira to participate in decorating the tree. There are many pictures and videos of that night of all of us. None of her though as she was behind the camera.
 
  There seem to be posts missing from FB. I do recall asking for prayer for the safety and lives of our daughters. The next post appearing there, is from our dear friends the Brabos. Mike posted;
"Our heart are breaking for our dear friends, the Brett N Dana Adams, family. Please join us in lifting their family up in prayer, for their daughters in the hospital and comfort in Charity's homegoing after a car accident"
  Here is the next post I see from me;

 "Updating for the sake of you dear people who are doing your best to be here for us in our time of need. It means more to us than you can imagine. Just so everyone has understanding of what occurred...The girls drove off this morning. There was a bad wreck of which I am deliberately not asking details...a mothers heart you know? Anyways, Charity is eternal in the Heavens with the Lord. In His safe ...keeping eternally. Please keep Machaira and Abby in your prayers. Charity is well, safe and ran her race and is enjoying her reward. The ones left behind have so much hurt, guilt pain and more to work through. We are so grateful for every single one of you. We love you and thank you from the bottom of our hearts..."....

         Tomorrow I will talk about that fateful morning and the hours of waiting to hear what the Lords decree was for my future....thank you friends for walking with us