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Clan Chrisdean: Scottish; Family of Christ bearers

Monday, January 13, 2014

More than in the midst of the Valley.....

  After my grandson said "Noni, God told me Kyra isn't dead", I told him...ok. Just remember if any of the girls do not come home they are safe in heaven and alive forever.
  In looking back I don't know why I didn't assume that one was critically injured in the hospital. It seems like that would be the first rational thought. It didn't cross my mind that I know of or recall.
  As for FB, Im having trouble navigating and finding posts. But this I know, that the body of Christ surrounded us all in love and prayers and with encouragement. What a blessing it is and was for us. I remember being so proud of Gods people. Not just for their blessings to us, but the Lord was and is glorified in their love toward another. There is so much, deserved I realize, negativity toward the 'church', yet this was encouraging and they were living out Gods heart toward us. They were brave and sensitive to the Lords promptings on our behalf. It is a difficult and courageous thing to say, or post or send, or visit a grieving family. How awkward! They had no idea what reception they would get from us. Yet, they came, they wrote, they blessed and encouraged and I pray the Lord bless each one of you tenfold. I have many children and know how much of a task it is to go buy a card, write it, get a stamp and mail it! Your good deeds have NOT gone unnoticed. Bless you.
  So, I do not know how long it had been. I was sitting there on the couch in the front room. Suddenly in a daze I looked down the hallway and saw my dear husband coming toward me. "Hey honey Im here do you know anything'. I sat with him, on his lap and said no. He told me, "Its ok honey" and he held me. He asked again if I knew what happened (many by then did via texts / calls etc) I said no, and then asked him to give me a minute.
  I got down on my knees on the floor and prayed for the strength to accept His decree. I prayed without a lick of faith that He would help me to accept the news. Then I told Brett Ok,......and he said it. There it was. Life as you know it is no more. "Charity is in heaven honey".
  The thought of it makes me cry... But at the time, as soon as I felt my heavy heart sink in utter sadness and felt it literally break, my two other daughters ran into the door. It was perfectly orchestrated timing on the Lords part. You NEVER EVER EVER, saw a more joyful, thankful, grateful, happy mother in your life. In the split second between the news and them walking in the door, I was somehow determined to hold fast to what I attained and trust the Lord for what I could not control.
  Those poor, sweet, traumatized, broken daughters were weeping...they were saying "Sorry mama" they were saying "We couldn't help, we failed........." poor broken daughters. As hard as it was I knew we  had to minister to them. Not to mention the other sad little ones gathering around us wondering why Charity went to heaven. Weeping that they wanted her to be home.
  The girls are the ones that had to literally walk through that valley of the shadow of death. And more so, watch and listen as their dear little sister as she walked through it to the other side. They saw, experienced and heard things that I will never know about. I have been spared much.
   My husband who arrived on the scene was witnessing to the people there. He in courage that comes from suffering and knowing God, told the people that "My daughter is not here". I hope he shares his experience on the blog soon. As for now he is burdened with all of the details of the occurrence. Hospital bills, insensitive insurance company and paperwork. Shopping for a headstone.. Hard for a daddy to hold his childs death certificate....
  I recall holding Machairas face in my hands (the driver) and telling her "You just found out that you are not God didn't you"..... I encouraged them, in my utter weakness to take every thought captive. Repeatedly for the next week I would randomly ask them if they were thinking right thoughts. I remember at one point,( it sounds harsh I know~ but we face a fierce enemy and the truth only will set these girls free).....but at one point I had to tell them; "Arent we comforted knowing Charity is safe, its all over and she is full of joy in heaven?"  When their response was one of sorrow, a nod and looking at the floor, I told them...."If you are going to believe that Charity is enjoying her reward, then you also have to believe that God is Sovereign. If you cannot accept that the Lord took Charity and not black ice, then you can have no comfort that she is enjoying her reward. We are compelled to take the whole counsel of God. "...... then to make it clearer..."Its all or none girls." 
  Ive heard from a couple of people that this was too harsh. I realize I am a bit zealous at this point. Losing a child will CHANGE YOUR LIFE. Change. Like, having a baby will change your life. You live and think differently. Your situation causes you to lean more on Christ than ever before. It creates the opportunity for His strength to be made perfect in our weakness. The things this world has to offer really have lost their luster. That is not a bad thing. Suffering somehow burns away the dross in our life if we submit to the Lord and don't harden our neck toward Him.
  I really feel as if I have entered into a fellowship of suffering with the Lord that I never had before.. My theology has been put to the test and it has not been found wanting. I know that God is good. He is Sovereign. He is our Great Physician and our Comforter.  He does send the balm before the wound.
My circumstance and situation does not change the truth of our immutable God. He is the same yesterday , today and forever.
 

1 comment:

homefullofhope said...

My dear, sweet sister in Christ,

My heart continues to break for you. What grace and faith you have. Thank you for continuing to be an example to all of your "followers"...love you!