I have just recently learned something. Not thrilled about it, I consider it a problem and I intend by Gods grace to deal with it. Im grateful He brought it to my attention.
The other day as I was mindlessly cleaning up , my ears heard one of the little boys call for Charity. I didn't really notice that he had said that or that I heard it, but at once it made me relax and sigh.
Do I seriously think at this point that Im living a bad dream? Do I REALLY think that I am going to wake up and this all be unreal? I know Im awake, I know this is not a dream and I do not expect to wake up until I truly wake up in Heaven with the Lord. (1 Cor 13:10 comes to mind here; 10 But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away)
As soon as what was in my heart, travelled to my brain I thought....strange. Then I asked my son who he was calling. Shaylee our dog. Oh, of course. It seemed odd to me that I had the response I did but I brushed it aside and went on with my day.
Until....as I was waking up one morning I heard what sounded like a herd of elephants coming down the stairs (which is Charitys favorite way to do stairs) and again I heard a (frustrated) child call to Charity. Boy I just woke up with that warm and fuzzy feeling you get when everything is right in the world! You know, like the rare times when the entire family is home and it is Christmas morning or something. Yea that. So, same response from this mamas heart. At peace, relaxed and hopeful and 'all is right in the world'. Sigh!
The other day as I was mindlessly cleaning up , my ears heard one of the little boys call for Charity. I didn't really notice that he had said that or that I heard it, but at once it made me relax and sigh.
Do I seriously think at this point that Im living a bad dream? Do I REALLY think that I am going to wake up and this all be unreal? I know Im awake, I know this is not a dream and I do not expect to wake up until I truly wake up in Heaven with the Lord. (1 Cor 13:10 comes to mind here; 10 But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away)
As soon as what was in my heart, travelled to my brain I thought....strange. Then I asked my son who he was calling. Shaylee our dog. Oh, of course. It seemed odd to me that I had the response I did but I brushed it aside and went on with my day.
Until....as I was waking up one morning I heard what sounded like a herd of elephants coming down the stairs (which is Charitys favorite way to do stairs) and again I heard a (frustrated) child call to Charity. Boy I just woke up with that warm and fuzzy feeling you get when everything is right in the world! You know, like the rare times when the entire family is home and it is Christmas morning or something. Yea that. So, same response from this mamas heart. At peace, relaxed and hopeful and 'all is right in the world'. Sigh!
I literally had to shake myself out of it and examine what was happening.
Don't get me wrong, I don't believe there is a wrong way to mourn and I am not opposed to myself being imperfect (as I certainly am) or being weak or haywire or what have you. Yet...I really don't care to live the rest of my life in BONDAGE.
Yes bondage. Am I truly only ever going to be happy and at peace again if my daughter comes down the stairs? Well, what kind of a Christian life is that? Ok, the unbelievers are free to hopelessly mourn for that which can never be ,but do you think that is Christs plan for me? Somehow I don't think so. (1Thes 4:13 comes to mind;But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope.)
So all I can say is "Working on it". Something worthy of being noted and given to the Lord who promises to be my ever present help in time of need(.Ps 46:1-2 God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, Even though the earth be removed, And though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea) As Ive said before, this world has OH SO lost its luster for me. I am however, not willing that I should pine away the precious moments left to me in ungratefulness or discontent. Christ died that we might have life and have it more abundantly.
I wonder how many of us do this in other areas? A lost love, the death of a vision or a dream. I have heard how great of a loss it is when a family loses their home and every earthly possession. Whatever the tragedy or cross,that weve been called to bear, do we resist the rod? Do we resent what the Lord in HIS goodness has seen fit to bring to pass in our life? Do we even accept it, but in our heart never rest in the peace that He offers. Never really accept the Comfort that He offers and that only He can truly give?
Im all about us saints taking the time we need to be conformed to His image, the process of sanctification is slow and, admittedly, painful. But holiness and godliness should be what we are after. That should be the goal. Sometimes we crawl there, some days we run...other days our hearts fail within us and we want to run screaming the other way. I understand. More than that, God knows. He knows our frame and He knows our hearts. In and of ourselves friends, we can do NO good thing. Christ in us, the hope of glory. The hope of life, the hope of redemption and restoration. He will do the work in us and through us in due time if we let Him. Lets let Him , shall we?
Don't get me wrong, I don't believe there is a wrong way to mourn and I am not opposed to myself being imperfect (as I certainly am) or being weak or haywire or what have you. Yet...I really don't care to live the rest of my life in BONDAGE.
Yes bondage. Am I truly only ever going to be happy and at peace again if my daughter comes down the stairs? Well, what kind of a Christian life is that? Ok, the unbelievers are free to hopelessly mourn for that which can never be ,but do you think that is Christs plan for me? Somehow I don't think so. (1Thes 4:13 comes to mind;But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope.)
So all I can say is "Working on it". Something worthy of being noted and given to the Lord who promises to be my ever present help in time of need(.Ps 46:1-2 God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, Even though the earth be removed, And though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea) As Ive said before, this world has OH SO lost its luster for me. I am however, not willing that I should pine away the precious moments left to me in ungratefulness or discontent. Christ died that we might have life and have it more abundantly.
John 10:1010 The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly
Im all about us saints taking the time we need to be conformed to His image, the process of sanctification is slow and, admittedly, painful. But holiness and godliness should be what we are after. That should be the goal. Sometimes we crawl there, some days we run...other days our hearts fail within us and we want to run screaming the other way. I understand. More than that, God knows. He knows our frame and He knows our hearts. In and of ourselves friends, we can do NO good thing. Christ in us, the hope of glory. The hope of life, the hope of redemption and restoration. He will do the work in us and through us in due time if we let Him. Lets let Him , shall we?
No comments:
Post a Comment